Swipe for today’s quick little stretching routine 🌈 today I really just worked on my flexibility and getting to do the full splits someday with EASE hahaha ✨
MY ASS IS SO FLAT lmaooo god my WGA is out of control 😩😩😩😩😩😩 I may have not been eating enough lately now that I’m working out more lol I’ve lost a lot of my body fat percentages these past few months. 🤡 Whenever I notice myself feeling more trim and learn I feel a very strong urge to weigh myself cuz I wanna know lol “Oooooo hOw ThIN am iiiii getting 🤪🤪🤪🤪” which is a bunch of bullshit and will only take me down a very dark road so I don’t do it even though there’s a scale in my mothers bedroom that I walk past every day 🤡🥳
I do this to be strong and healthy not fucking skinny. So I need to remember that and nourish myself so I don’t get too twiggy and lose what small piece of ass I have left 😩😩😩😩 🤣🤣🤣👏🏼 The struggle Anyway hope y’all are having a great morning, if you try to do any of these stretches please do be careful, listen to your body, don’t do a stretch that disagrees with you, take it easy! Love yo self Mckay 🦋
🐋 OUTFIT OF THE DAY! 🐋 I had a very beautiful day today me my mum and my friend went to get these DELICIOUS cookies from a new place nearby ✨ I really need to start fixing my sleep schedule people 👏🏼😩 I need to start waking up early so I can get my necessary tasks done and have plenty of time to do all the other things that inspire me!! 🌈 I’m putting it out in the universe 🤣
DO YOU WANT TO BUILD MUSCLE WITHOUT EXTREME CARDIO?? (SWIPE 👀) DO YOU WANT THE BOOTY OF JESUS WITHOUT TORTURING YOURSELF WITH INTENSE WORKOUTS? THEN SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND 🌈✨ RESISTANCE BANDS ✨🌈
I DONT DO THIS NEARLY ENOUGH which is why I am currently suffering from WGA WHITE GIRL ASS BUT NOW that I’m starting to post my routines on here I think it will motivate me to be more consistent so that I too can have an ass like Jesus 😎
I highly recommend these to anyone!!! 😁 The techniques are endless, easy, and convenient! You can just do simple movements while sitting around, watching ty, laying in bed etc! Some of what I did in these videos what a little advanced but you can literally just play around with the bands and find what feels good to stretch and strengthen 🥰 you’ll notice a difference right away! It feels so good to have all your muscles toned and activated! How they SHOULD be! 🤗
Get yourself some resistance bands and you will never regret it 👏🏼 Remember to drink lots of water anytime we are working with the bodyyyy 🤗✨🌈 Mckay 🦋
💋 OUTFIT OF THE DAY 💋 GUYS I DONT HAVE ANY GREEN CLOTHES FOR SAINT PATTYS DAY 😩 so sorry! Today has been such a beautiful day 🥰 Last night I got the most views on my TikTok live than ever before and was showered with a kind of love that I would have never thought possible 🥺🌈
I’m still flabbergasted by what has happened, what IS happening. Right before my eyes. This is what my Eight year old self always dreamed of. I’m really starting to realize that things are just going to be MORE as I continue to grow, find new beautiful friends from all over the world, and discover new opportunities.
I hope that no matter what ever happens, no matter how many followers I have that I remember what is most important to me and that is the well-being of myself and my family, including my discord family which is at the very last slide 🥰💖
For without any of you I wouldn’t be here today 💕🤗 Thank you for making my dreams come true 🥺 Mckay 🦋
I had a bit of a rough/emotional/enlightening/EVENTFUL morning 🤣👏🏼 (Swipe for yoga routine) I’m gonna share a bit of my personal journey with my anxiety to give some background info before I mention what happened this morning 😆
Since before I can even remember, I have been DEATHLY afraid/ phobic of anything involving throwing up. It would send me into a trembling uncontrollable panic attack. Not just myself getting sick, even tho that’s the big one for me of course hahaha, but also seeing someone else get sick, or even just people fucking talking about it or if they said they didn’t feel good my brain would just like self destruct 🤣😩 Some of my most vivid memories in my childhood were those moments when I convinced myself I was going to be ill, usually in the middle of the night, violently shaking praying to the God I didn’t even believe in to just kill me right then and there cuz I would rather die than endure the sensations I couldn’t escape from. On top of all the times my siblings/ parents got sick. 🤡 not fun times.
This phobia effected every single choice I made in my life, what I ate, where I went and with whom, i had to be homeschooled cuz I would just have endless anxiety in the nurses office, I would cry hysterically if I ever had to take antibiotics, I would skip meals or eat as less as possible in case I got sick, least amount to be inside of me, I would cancel plans cuz I’d convince myself 10 minutes before the function that I caught a stomach bug 🙄 washing my hands til they were dry as fuck only to never even eat WITH my hands EVER cuz that just felt like the BIGGEST RISK 💀😩 AND ITS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I FELL IN LOVE WITH VEGANISM. It fucking ruined so many things that were supposed to be fun for me too.
ANWAY I started going to therapy for that crap at the age of 9, and even tho I still have this phobia, it most certainly does NOT have the control over me that it did when I was a kid AT ALL. I may have one episode a week these days compared to the ones I used to get DAILY. I don’t try to restrict food or cancel plans or wash my hands violently, But I still will cry if I have to take antibiotics 🤣
This morning I had one of them episodes!😁 I think I drank too much lemonade or something before bed, too much acidity in my Tum 😩 I just woke up feeling really really just bleh in my whole body and a little nauseous. My mind instantly started racing and by the time I got out of bed I was already slightly trembling.
A part of me KNEW I was okay. So I just went outside and told myself “Alright, this is the perfect opportunity for you to just simply OBSERVE, don’t resist, just observe your anxiety.” I sat down on my couch and began doing my morning SADHANA. Telling myself often that how I feel is how I feel right here and now, I can’t escape this moment, I just make the best of if.
I felt like a complete different person after just doing 15 minutes of really deep focused breath work. I tried observing my anxiety, pulling it out of me to look at it which I had already done a bit before and it looked the same but more violent, spikey black and white pins and needle looking things, then putting it back in, to turn it to love.🌈
Once I got my mind to calm down my body did too, and I felt like McKay again. I decided to do the meditation of Transforming into Love, I started to cry when my teacher read this to me.
“ Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.”
I got so peaceful that all the sudden a ton of lyrics just started pouring out of me with so much EASE, literally I wrote an entire song in 10 minutes.
And it’s about exactly what I had just done. Taking the pain, the dis ease, the anxiety, anger, jealousy, everything that is inside of me that I would normally resist and push away, and this time really taking it in, owning it as a part of myself. I don’t know where these words came from but this is my favorite thing I’ve ever written before. After that eventful experience I got my yoga mat out and did some bizarre stretching which is what you see in the slides 🤣👏🏼 I just did what felt good in the moment. The last 2 pictures are some information about the meditation I did if you want to try it for yourself 💖
I have no one else to thank but my personal life long relationship with anxiety for who I am today. Through the suffering I have learned more than happiness ever could. It makes us crave relief. enough of it forces us to make a change to how we’ve been coping/suppressing/avoiding the giant elephant in the room. Trauma, pain, suffering doesn’t go away unless you do the work. This is my work. And I’m so grateful that I get to share it with you. 💖
Now I gotta go find some chords to this song 🥰 Love Mckay 🦋
Outfit of the day!! ☮️☮️☮️☮️☮️ (from two days ago 🤣) I haven’t had the time to post this! 😩 I love love love these dresses! I have one in yellow and one in purple and I’m hoping to get 2 more sets one in pink and one in black and white 🤗 Swipe to the very end for a special message from one of my biggest spiritual influencers!! 💖🌈✨
YALL PEEP MY YOGA BALANCE IMPROVEMENT!! 😍😍 swipe to the right! So far this is the longest I’ve ben able to balance on the palms of my hands like this!! Just thought I’d share cuz I got really excited about it 🥲🤣
OUTFIT OF THE DAY! 🦋✨ A lot of blue butterflies! I got this new hair piece and I’m trying to figure out the different ways to use it 🤣 I hope all of you are having a good day ☺️ I gotta still post my outfit of the day from yesterday 😩👏🏼
HERE ARE THE MULTIPLE BLOOPERS I MADE WHILE TRYING TO RECORD FLY ME TO THE MOON ON YOUTUBE A FEW DAYS AGO 🤣 guys I’m such a mess 🤣 sorry for the screaming and plane bomb joke 🤣 I don’t usually ever watch my failed attempts, I would just delete them, Cuz I failed them 🤣🤷🏼♀️ but since I started posting them for you guys on here it’s been quite the experience to reflect on this aspect of myself 🤡 I’m glad I did because I don’t like the way I handle it at ALL. I get very frustrated at myself, the planes flying by, the motorcycle man 🤣😩 that is not the way I want to feel, regardless of if I “mess up” The more I mess up the more I get this voice in the back of my head that tells me to just give up because I’m obviously struggling therefor what I’m doing is trash 🤣😩 I KNOW that’s not true it’s just how I feel sometimes in those spaces. As I continue my courses to becoming a meditation teacher, the quote that stuck with me most is “Let everything your currently doing be your meditation.” Which simply means that as you go about your life and situations occur, have that inner stillness inside you that is just observing instead of judging like you do when in deep meditation. Remembering that this is all an act of play not work.
I like to think I’m a walking example of that til I fucking watch my song bloopers🤣 🤦♀️ Sigh lol But I’m so glad now that I am aware of this in myself so that I know I have something to work on 😁 that is the work! I must continually do work on the self in order to be of any true service to others. And that is work I don’t mind doing for the rest of my life :) what else can I do?
Thank you my friends for loving me even when I am not perfect 💖
OUTFIT OF THE DAYYYY!! 👗👗👗👗 With my new tiny backpack I bought to always have things like sunscreen, a few pens, hand sanitizer and SOME FEMININE products just in case I or anyone around me is in need of those things, I want to start being more resourceful?? I also got this dang hippie cloth thing that I wear when the weather is trash and I get cold 😳🤣 I’m going out tonight to take my respite patient tyler to go see a movie, What do you guys have going on today?? 💖💖 Let me know!
Good morning sweet friends 💖 here’s some of the yoga routine I did this morning to help with better POSTURE and spine strength! The sun is in Pisces, and we have entered the new Moon in Pisces this morning 🦋 a lot of emotions 👀💕 I got very emotional this morning as my Snapchat memories reminded me of a time when I was so completely disconnected to myself.
I have distinct memories of myself violently sobbing in the shower out of pure anger towards myself and my body. Looking down with so much hate and pain in my heart. Asking over and over “why must this be me, I am so pathetic and can’t control myself” anytime I would eat something that wasn’t on my “safe” list. I was so completely miserable all the time except for when I knew I was lighter than i was the day before. It’s crazy how you can be so MISERABLE yet so unaware of just how miserable you really are til you’re out of it. I got a good flash back of that moment this morning which made me tear up a bit in complete compassion for that poor little girl who didn’t know how to cope with change.
I realize now that I am stuck with this body.. for the rest of this physical existence so it seems. And every day it is changing, transforming, decaying in a way. I’m still learning how to honor and appreciate each phase as it comes because it will change again in due time. The journey is so much mor enjoyable then. Since I’m stuck with this body I am going to honor it and use it to its fullest so that we can make magic together while we are still together. It’s all that I have to experience this life! I must treat her with kindness compassion and love if I want to contribute to this world in a positive way. and that’s all I want!! 💖
So here I am. I look at myself often through the same eyes that once were full of so much pain, now with a whole lot of love. I literally hug myself all the time hahaha Life is so fucking short people. Take everything moment and just milk it for all it’s worth. It will all be over sooon 👀🤣 Then it probably starts all over again lololol Enjoy the journey, and the vehicle that takes you there 💖 Love, Mckay 🦋
OUTFIT OF THE DAY!!! WOW YES I HAVE NIPPLES WOW NO I WONT BE TURNING TO POSTING NUDIES LOLOLOLOL I’m so happy now that I feel comfortable in my skin, and That I can wear whatever I want to, and I don’t give to many shits what people have to say about it 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
There is a lot of shame in society about women dressing too”provocatively”. They’ll call you a slut or an attention whore sometimes. Which I can somewhat understand cuz there is a mass majority of woman who purposely go out of their way to manipulate and take advantage of men/women using their bodies. But we must remember there’s a difference between that and simply expressing ones authenticity through their wardrobe. I love how I FEEL when I find cute stuff like this!
And if it’s something that people are turned OFF by or are offended then they can simply keep moving on. I don’t want to spend my entire life watering myself down to keep everyone else around me comfortable, fuck that! 👀
This is me, I’m a crazy ditsy goofy adorable EXTRA yet tiny thing. And I am here to be 110% mckay To encourage others to do the same. And that will look different for every. Single. Person. Nobody is wrong in their personal preference of how they like to express themselves. The diversity is what makes us all so beautiful, if we can let go of the idea that everyone needs to think and believe what we do. BORING.
If you enjoy dressing like a millionaire pole dancer,,, DO IT BITCH if you enjoy dressing more modest, DO IT BITCH Imma do me regardless of what YOUR doing so you might as well do the same! 🥰
Let’s try to have more compassion for others, Cuz everyone’s journey is different 💖
This is where I am now at this point in my life, and I am happy with myself🥰 I couldn’t say that just a year ago 💕 Much much MUCH love, McKay 🦋
Good morning my friends 🌞 Since I’m getting more comfortable with my daily meditation routine I thought I would Share my morning SADHANA which is just Sanskrit for daily practice 🥰
1. We move our bodies, jump! Bend to the sides forwards and back!! Wiggle around!! Do a PLANK! Or SOME YOGA! Anything that gets your 🩸 flow and circulation workin good!!
2. We sit down, close our eyes and count to 4 for every inhale, then hold for 4, exhale for 4, and hold for 4 again! Then repeat! I did it for 5 minutes in this video but you can go as long as you please!
3. After that we focus our attention on chanting sound. We chant “A” 7 times, “Ooo or U” 7 times then “M” 7 times! Drag out your breath as long as you possibly can and just pay attention to the sound coming from your vocal chords as well as how it feels. Play with how high or low you want the key to be in, it will be different for everyone, choose a key that is most comfortable for you :)
4. With our eyes still closed we direct our focus to any sounds that are FURTHEST away from us. Really slip into the role of the observer, instead of trying to give the sounds labels, think of each sound as beautiful music passing by. After a few minutes of this switch to observing sounds nearby, or within you, like your breath. Do this for however long u want or til you get bored. :)
5. I like to end SADHANA with giving 5 minutes or so to simple focus on the heart center. Giving thanks to my heart and listening to it beat knowing that I have only my heart to thank for this life experience, providing me with a constant flow of oxygen and nutrients to all of my body! Give it a smile and it will smile back!
The heart is so amazing yall! give your heart some love! I hope you enjoyed my first guided meditation that is if anyone chose to watch it! If not I don’t mind, I really enjoyed making the video soo 🤷🏼♀️💖🥰
Wishing you a fantastic Thursday! I will be getting dressed at some point hopefully today so I can post my outfit of the day! 🥰 See ya! Mckay 🦋
Yoga and meditation is completely changing my entire life people 💖✌🏼 Swipe to see my yoga routine I did today ✨ I feel so full of love in these moments as I write these words. There is this strong feeling in my heart that this is just the beginning of an amazing journey. The words “you can only GIVE what you already HAVE” keep surfacing in my head. As I dive deeper and deeper everyday into the magic of meditation, I feel like I’m flowing down the river towards my true purpose. I am becoming a true Light Worker before my very eyes and actually understanding what THAT MEANS to be a LIGHT WORKER. To be so centered and at peace that nothing, nobody, no emotion, no situation can shake you because you KNOW, you just know what it’s all about, and why we are all here, and how much all the drama doesn’t even matter at the end of the day, or when you go to bed and your left with yourself and your thoughts, or when you croak and come home.
It blows my mind to contemplate the fact that I could ever spark inspiration or something positive in someone else by simply just being myself! But these past few days while in the discord chat with some of you, Seeing y’all doing a plank with me. It sorta blew me away. Even just thinking about how awesome you guys are to be so open to trying it! It’s HARD to do a plank! And y’all STILL WERE LIKE “YE IMMA JUST GIVE THIS A SHOT” AND THEN YOU ALL DID IT MORE THAN ONCE!!!! my heart nearly exploded. And like I said this is just the beginning. JUST THE TIPPPP, MERELY THE APPETIZER Bitches better get ready for the main course meal!! I have so many new ideas to share with all of you that come CONSTANTLY!! And every single day I am learning more myself about the art of meditation, I can’t wait to share more with you!!
I hope at some point you take some time to give your body a nice stretch or just a simple touch to give your body some love 💖 THANK YOU guys For giving me a reason to share what I love ✨ Mckay 🦋
OUTFIT OF THE DAY!!!! These cute asf workout outfit!!! I basically just did yoga all day today so this fit was perfect! I’ll be posting my yoga routine shortly! 🥰
OUTFIT OF THE DAY!! BLUE BOHO HIPPIE ELEPHANT PANTS AND A PLAIN OLD TANK TOP WITH ME BOOTS 👏🏼 I wanted to feel comfortable today after having an emotionally charged morning and these bbs 👌🏼
Literally perfect!! I’m working on my flexibility and dancing a lot more these days Idk if I’m getting better but I still try 🤷🏼♀️ You’ll see in the last videos 🤣
Hello!!! This is a clip of my most recent original song apart from another one and I am working on. This song does not have a title yet. I think it has something to do with being guided towards enlightenment by angels but still being in the midst of having to take care of our egoic attachments.
It’s not finished at all by any means but it’s fun the share what I have so far. Let me know if you’d like more clips of some of my original stuff or anything else!!
Swipe for a wonderful quote I read from the book I’m currently reading! Much love, Mckay 🦋
GOOD MONDAY MORNING MY FELLOW KARMIC STAR CHILDREN ✨ I was asked by my friend to make a post showing one of my daily yoga routines so this is what I did for today! 😊 I do something a little different everyday to keep variety 🌈
This morning was intense for me from the very beginning! Last night my father and mother were talking about getting their covid 19 vaccines today and as I was expressing my disgust,,, My father had the BALLS to look at me and say “YOURE GONNA GET IT T00” My heart fell out of my BUTT in that moment, my inner kiddo became severely triggered, but I decided to just walk away and go to bed 🤣🤡 WELP that never works cuz when I woke up this morning I was weeping silent tears
Shorty after my yoga practice which you see above, I went into my morning SADHANA practice. This i did not decide to share with yall cuz I knew it probably wouldn’t be too pretty and since I’m still new to doing these meditation techniques I want to get a little bit more comfortable with the process before I share that kind of stuff with you! 😊🙏
Getting to quiet my mind was extremely difficult because my inner kiddo was yelling and wanting to be heard. I can’t help but believe in perfect timing now because I had literally learned a certain meditation technique 2 days ago for moments just like what I am experiencing. What I did was instead of trying to quiet myself, I just simply allow every though to pass and observe them as they fly by, notice how they make me feel, question it as a fact or just a false premise/ belief. Really listening to what my inner kiddo has to say. She was SCREAMING “NO, YOU CANT MAKE ME.” “MY BODY MY CHOICE” “DONT FUCKING POISON ME” “I FEEL POWERLESS AND OUT OF CONTROL BECAUSE YOU AEE F0RCING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS AGAINST MY MORAL COMPASS” It was the most intense meditation I have ever done. I have a lot of trauma around violation of free will, as most humans do because free will is EVERYTHING???? It’s been a very dominant thing in my life from childhood to adulthood, and this morning I guess all of that decided to surface itself thanks to a covid 19 vaccine.
I cried for maybe 30 minutes just really getting myself to EMBODY this kid who felt F0RCED and out of control. The technique for this meditation is to bring every emotion up inside you, Then imagine yourself pulling it out of your body literally, then observing it from outside of you. When I did this it felt like slime was coming out of me and like I could hold the fear/anger/resentment/pain right in my hands.
It’s was black and blue in color, stagnant and sludgey in texture, and it was making the noise of someone screaming in resistance. But the weird thing that happens when you take the emotion outside of you, You don’t feel it. Your just like LOOKING at it in front of you as if you were watching someone else. I could see this emotion from a much more grounded perspective. My inner kid wants to have the freedom to make decisions that align with her values/ what she feels is right for her of course. And she deserves that. And she really does have that even though certain times it may not look that way. Watching the emotion from outside of me also helped me to better see my fathers point of view. He spent his entire life just trying to keep his family safe. And in his mind that is what getting this vaccine will ensure more of. He just wants me to be safe because he loves me. After observing the emotion I took all of the anger back inside of me to transform it into love with my heart. My tears of pain for a moment became tears of joy. I had this strange experience where I was full of gratitude for all the PAIN and ANXIETY and TRAUMA i have endured because it honestly exposed the real me in those situations and showed me very clearly how I handled them when I became the pain that I was experiencing. After that I still felt very emotionally RAW, and I still do right now actually. But I closed the meditation by introducing a more soft emotion, Compassion 💖 I closed my eyes and visualized giving my dog all the love in my heart with belly rubs and head pats while looking into his beautiful brown eyes smiling back at mine. It felt so real as we were just being together, no words involved, we were just one with god together. Then I observed that feeling, taking it out of my body and giving it a shape It was sparkling in cotton candy blues and pinks. Like a light unicorns fart 🦄 🤣 Once I put the emotion back inside me, I did some regular breath work and ended my meditation
I’m wiping joy tears from my cheek now as I write this just remembering how strongly I felt the love. This is some crazy shit and it hasn’t even been a week of this course people 🤣
Sorry if I sound INSANE to you, This is just who I am right now 🤷🏼♀️.constantly changing too. I still feel very emotionally raw so I’m trying to just take it easy today hahah.
If you got to the end of this, you are fuxking rad lol And I appreciate you And I hope you find the time to try that meditation out for yourself with any emotion! You just pick one, Try to create that feeling the best you can with memories, beliefs, mantras etc.. And then imagine yourself pulling it out of you to observe it, analyze it, and make peace with it before bringing it back into you Where it will be transformed into love through your heart :) Namaste, Mckay 🦋🙏
OUTFIT OF THE DAY🌈✨🦋 butterfly dress with white tights and the only pear of boots I own 🥰🥰🥰 Idk how to fucking pose lol
Y’all I have been blown away by this new course I’m taking.. I feel like a whole new person honestly. My mind feels more clear and I’m not so identified by every thought that comes to the surface and I can more easier observe them and let them float away. And I’ve only been doing this for a couple of DAYS 👀👀👀👀💖💖
The first meditation I learned is so satisfying to do!! During meditation you visualize yourself INHALING something in yourself you’d rather not have, like anger pain resentment or jealousy, And you clearly imagine your HEART taking in the pain, and transforming it into pure love, And you exhale that love back to yourself and into the world After that you start taking the pain from your family, friends, co workers, your whole state, your whole country, the WHOLE WORLD, taking it all in your heart so it can be transformed into something new and beautiful because our hearts have the power to do that!! 💖💖
Give this practice a try!! Literally I felt so different afterwords. So much lighter and full of love to give to the world! 🥰💖
QUICK ASF OUTFIT OF THE DAY CUZ IM GOING LIVE IN 20 MINUTES THIS CUTE DRESS THAT SOMEHOW MATCHES MY HAIR
I’ve attached some of the notes I wrote down for studying my new meditation course!! I hope you take the time to read them! Don’t mind the typos I really don’t care about grammar correction i just try my best 🤣 One thing that I always heard from people was that somehow meditation is AGAINST religion?? Which I always knew was so far from the truth and now I know what to tell people when they use that as an excuse!! 🤪🙏
Anyway hope y’all are having a lovely day! I’m about to get high and go live 🤪 See ya!! Mckay 🦋🦋🦋🦋
OUTFIT OF THE DAY IS THIS GREY HOBO BAG!! 🤣💩 YALL I HAVE EMBARKED ON A WONDERFUL NEW JOURNEY 🌈 I enrolled in a meditation course! 😍 Its a year long and I am so ready to give this my everything! ☺️ I’ve been feeling like something very soon would become a very big part of my life, Something outside of music actually! And THIS!! Was so totally it. I have always wanted to master this so I could become a conduit for people to learn to do the same for themselves!! 🥰 I’m so very excited! Most likely this will take up a good portion of my energy so I will have to incorporate a healthy balance between my school and my music, But for the next few days I might be a little less active musically on social media as I find that balance 🥰 it’s all good!
The last slide is me practicing a certain breathing technique I did 4 counts breathing in, 4 counts holding, 4 counts exhaling and repeating!
I encourage you to try to go a whole minute without letting a thought take you down a rabbit whole of MORE THOUGHTS 🐇💩🤣 Give it a try!
I appreciate all of you for being here with me as I begin this new transformation 🌈✨💖 Love Mckay 🦋
OUTFIT OF THE DAY!! 🌈 We got this awesome adventure time shirt my Friend Tyler got me for Valentine’s Day! And this cute grey skirt! I WANT MORE SKIRTS!!
YALL I THINK On my birthday... I’m going to SHAVE MY HEAD 😱 I recently tried to cut the front of my own hair and I sorta botched it 🤣👏🏼😩 And I’m getting tired of the half bleached/ half natural disaster that’s going on. AND I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SHAVE MY HEAD, just to say I did it 🤷🏼♀️ If I don’t do it now, when I’m a lil tired of what I have going on, then I may not have the balls to do it when my hair grows out longer 🤣 AND I have low key always wanted to get into wearing wigs 👀 So if I absolutely hate the growing out process I can just wear different wigs and play with them 😇😇😇😇 Who knows dude I give 0 fucks haha and it may be a very good ego death experience for me cuz I used to really care about how my hair looked 😩 Then I will have nothing to hide from.
My birthday is like 5 months away tho so there’s time 🤪 to enjoy these damaged locks haha
OUTFIT OF THE DAY!! HAPPY FIRST OF MARCH! 🌻 THIS BRIGHT ASF SHIRT THAT I JUST RECEIVED YESTERDAY ANS I ALSO FOUND OUT IT WAS ORDERED IT IN EXTRA LARGE SO I GOTTA TIE THAT SHIT UP IF I DONT WANT IT TO MAKE ME LOOK PANTSLESS 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
Today is also my friend Traceys birthday! 🥰 she’s subbed to my ONLYFANS so Tracey if you are reading this I so so love you and hope you had a wonderful day celebrating the anniversary of your beautiful life! 🎉✨
Today I am taking my friend Tyler to work, then we are going to get him pizza after I pick him up from work! ☺️ I am so very blessed!
Wishing you a good start to the new month 🥳 Mckay 🦋
SWIPE TO READ ABOUT HOW TO HEAL AFTER A HEARTBREAK 💔 Even if you’re not going thru a break up , this is good stuff to understand anyway! I wrote this shortly after I broke up with christian to clean up any stagnant energy I had from the relationship!! 🤪
Break ups are one of the hardest things to go through because connection is everything to humans and separating from a connection with anything feels like a part of yourself is being RIPPED IN HALF. Sometimes 🤷🏼♀️
I only remember feeling that way with my first boyfriend,, And boy did that shit suck mega balls
Anyway Guys I literally have any entire book full of information that I just feel inspired to write down so if you’d like me to share more of what I got in my woo woo book I would love to post more!!
I hope you found something for you in this! All the love in my tiny soul Mckay 🦋
Outfit of they day!! This super freaking adorable romper/dress thing with white stockings!! ☺️ I love when cute stuff is comfortable 👌🏼 AND MY FRIEND TYLER GOT ME THESE PINK EARRINGS A FEW MINUTES AGO 🥺💖
I’m about to go live on TikTok!! Hope to see you there friends! Love Mckay! 🦋
Good morning friends! Last night I made this video practicing my most recent original song I’ve been working on ☺️ It’s VERY personal to me and I didn’t hold back on expressing how I feel about it all Its called Puzzle piece (Boundaries)
This inspiration for the song was my ex boyfriend christian! If you’d like to hear our ✨love story✨In great detail READ ON 🤡
I met him through INSTAGRAM And we just so happened to be in the same state 🤷🏼♀️ And he had been watching me very closely through the app a few months before he decided I was something he wanted and reached out to me, He expressed to me from the beginning that he wanted to be in a relationship with me over a few 3 hour FaceTime calls. I meditated on the idea and I think my angels told me to go for it, not because he wasn’t necessarily the love of my life, but I was told he would teach me a lot,
That was in late July, and by my birthday on august 7th I met him in person for the first time And he bought me a 80 dollar blue ukulele 🤡
He came in like a white knight on a fuxking horse My parents were SHOOK at the human who came through our house that day With how SEEMINGLY polite, mature, and SELF ASSURED he was. Especially compared to my dating history 🤮🤮🤮 Nah somehow this dude instantly got their “blessing” BUUUT, both metaphorically and LITERALLY, he came in wearing a total mask ( covid joke 🤣) He told me he went to school for acting, So it all makes sense now 🤣
ANYWAY his birthday was like a WEEK after mine so by the time that came around He gave me his Christianity Bracelet, which I guess mean that if I put it on I was his property forever or some weird shit like that. I’m Never dating religion men again lol I put it on 🤷🏼♀️🤣
And about 30 minutes later that was the ONLY thing I had on 😩🤡🤡🤡 I had only met the dude 2 times and he managed to get me in this very VULNERABLE space
HOWWWW????
Needless to say our entire relationship developed way too fuxking fast for anyone to even know wtf was happening and I barely had any time to check in with myself before a decision was made 🤣
After a month of us being together, I should have broken things off because I noticed my mental and physical health declining, but it was subtle enough to IGNORE and just adapt to my new way of living That new way of living being no longer having any personal time for myself
He had this thing were he had to PLAN everything beforehand so he made this “schedule” in his head about when we would see each other I would spend 3 days in his apartment with him, and the only time I was alone was when I was taking a 💩 , (YES HE WOULD FOLLOW ME IN THE BATHROOM WHEN I WOULD GO PIZZLE Then he would spend 3 to 4 days (he would always push it as long as he could go) at MY HOUSE
Then he would give me 2 DAYS to myself. 🤡😩 And the schedule would start all over again This went on for about 3 months. Even then he told me how he wished he could spend MORE time with me 😭 My mother quickly noticed that this was not healthy relationship behavior even before I did despite the fact that I was the one losing my sanity 🤣
Many of his White night qualities disappeared And I found myself attached to the hip to this insecure, 🥩 eating, bad tempered, slightly autistic(Nothing wrong w that tho!!) Leo man with Mommy issues, a low key eating disorder, and on top of that he was very unaware of himself and of the fact thar he tries to manipulate every situation and person to get what he wants
He would also tell me the same story the same way about 17 times, we were only together for 3 months so imagine hearing it for the 20000th time On our two year anniversary
though many things bothered the shit out of me I just let it go and accepted him for who he was, that’s wha love is right??? PSH WRONG
II could see the person he was underneath all the fake personas, that person was BEAUTIFUL. And I hoped that I could help him learn how to embrace that, and heal from his childhood trauma instead of using it as an excuse for who he is But that is a therapists job not a girlfriends 🤡 And I was NOT getting paid for that 💅
By the tail end of our relationship my parents were soooo over it. My mum said he was a nicer manifestation of my last boyfriend cuz I didn’t set healthy boundaries with him lol. On top of that he became AWARE that he was falling off my parents pedestal which just made him even more NERVOUS and trying to force being someone he clearly was not to win them back.
Our whole relationship I never expressed to him that there were any issues, Mainly because I didn’t even rlly know myself at the time 🤡
He knew something was up a few weeks prior to us breaking up because I told him I needed some space and was going to see my therapist She helped me find my clarity on the entire situation ✨ But this made him nervous SO he tried NOT SO NONCHALANTLY pretending to be someone else who’s just nosey about my relationship 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 AND HES FLEXING ON HIMSELF 😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮 That was just so immature and childish so I DEFINITELY knew I was done with him by that point.
I called him a few days after my therapy session to tell him I wanted to break up. I basically just told him I don’t have the kind of time for a relationship. Especially the one he wants if his idea of a relationship is spending every waking moment together. I said I need a lot of solitude, and I want to focus on growing my music and building SELF CARE. Which was all true!
He cried a bit, but didn’t give me too much shit over the phone. Wouldn’t it be nice if it just ended right there?? 🤡🤡🤡
After that He texted me insisting that he sees me “one last time” so he could find closure and he could get everything he wanted to say off his chest, And used the excuse that he wanted his sweatshirts, and bracelet back from me. I stood my ground and told him no, I’d put his shit on my front porch and he could come pick it up. I didn’t need him emotionally manipulate me into feeling guilty or like I’m making the wrong choice.
After that a huge weight was takin off my shoulders. I finally had time to focus on all the things I abandoned like yoga, BEING VEGAN, meditation, and spending time with my family. ✨
I asked him to stop reaching out to me, and I hoped that I wouldn’t have to block him lol But #BOUNDARIES So far I think he has done exactly that about 3 times
Once while I was in the middle of playing live music on Instagram with a friend 🤡 Telling me to “reach out when I’m ready to reconnect” 🤡🤡🤡🤡
The second time he texted me AGAIN saying he was coming over to talk to me cuz he will never get closure if he doesn’t word 🤮 all over me.
NOT TO MENTION THE 2 TIMES HE PRETENDED BE SOMEONE ELSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO TRY TO TALK TO ME
And the third time he decided to give me his 2 cents on me STARTING AN ONLFANS!! 🤣 After thar I blocked him on everything and I learned that Boundaries are a must Or else you’ll find yourself attached to the with an energy vampire. That’s just the way it goes and it took all that for me to understand that!!
I don’t hold any hate towards this human if anything, Dude thanks for helping me learn exactly what I do not want in a relationship :)
If you made it to the end of this holy shit dude!! Maybe take up pottery instead of listening to me rant 🤣
Jk if you read all of this shit I appreciate you! And I hope you enjoyed my Interpretation of this short lived phase of my life
outfit of the day 💕 Nothin but this cute blue floral dress 🥰 Today is my parents 22 year anniversary! We tried going to 2 different places for breakfast and the wait time was over an 1 and 1/2 hours so we just decided to eat at home and it got my momma in a little attitude 🤣🤡 But I think it’s wearing off as the day continues 🤣
I keep getting a lot of people trying to get me to send them photos of what I post on here 🤣
Although I do enjoy feeling beautiful. Sexy, pretty whatever, I don’t think I could ever will myself to really post extremely sexual content 🤣 It’s just not who I am I guess?? It would make me uneasy to know photos of myself that were THAT vulnerable was accessible to people. It’s funny how I feel that way about my body but not about my personal thoughts?? 🤣 I have no issue with word vomiting everything that’s inside of me, but i guess the one thing that I hold sacred is my relationship with my own physical body. Three years ago I would have never thought I’d say that cuz we were not good friends back then 💁🏼♀️
I hope that at some point people can begin to see the value in this site for things other than self exploitation lolol If that’s what you came here for folks, your in the wrong place. This is simply a safe space for me to be 120% mckay
And I’m still cute asf with clothes on so take it or leave it mfs!! Love, Mckay 🦋🤡
They only kinda pussy you’ll get on my ONLYFANS 😚🤣👏🏼 Sorry I didn’t do the outfit of the day y’all, Cuz I literally wore this grey potato sack all day with no make up It’s been one of those days 😎😎😎😎
I ditched linktree today and decided to start using the site beacon instead! I like it!
I also heard lately that TikTok is trying to delete any account that has ONLYFANS in their links Bunch of cunts! 🙄🙄 So from now on my TikTok bio link will go directly to my Instagram, which will have the links to my ONLYFANS, Spotify, and all that jazz. Super dumb!
Im praying that very soon either TikTok gets their shit together or a better app comes along 😩🤣
We are all human 🦋 I am still learning everyday how to be a growing creator, and still honor my truth I didn’t think it would be so easy to fall into the darkness of other peoples Hateful opinions. But lately that’s exactly what I’ve done. It makes me feel so icky to look into my TikTok page and see videos Of me just giving time and energy replying to a nasty comment. Bitch I know how this universe works Anything I give focus to is building vibrational momentum, I’m just gonna get more of what I give my attention Today, I choose to be made new Today I choose joy from here on out. I want gratitude to be the foundation Of every post I make. Anything else just pinches me off from my own joy and authentic abundance!
I am so very blessed, Thank you my friends for giving me so many reasons to look for the good 💕 And for loving me even when I make mistakes So so so much love Mckay 🦋
