One of the most helpful things I've done when I've needed to rebuild my self worth and self perception is making a promise to myself and following through with it. Something as small as to go to the grocery store within the next couple hours, or to send a letter to someone, or to just enjoy myself and my coffee for 15 minutes without worrying in my head. Any little thing that I want for myself, to help me learn to trust my own word. To know that I know what's good for me. Doing this over and over causes me no other choice than to trust my Self. Trusting the self is the biggest key/answer to living a life I love and admire.
I was sitting in the river topless because my bathing suit top broke, and four rafts full of people floated by !!! Only a couple people saw me before I dipped under the water to hide. I got out, laid a shirt over me and was just enjoying the sun, and one final raft full of folks went by... one man saw me and I threw him a peace sign, he peaced back ✌🏻 but then couldnt stop looking and then he FELL OUT ahahaha everyone halfheartedly scrambled to grab him but could not pull him up and they floated out of view and I'm not sure what happened next-- great summer moment ☀️🤣💦
Here's a nice selection of some of my nicest moments on my latest trip. Truth is though every moment was a nice moment !! Food and modeling and baking and making music. My main staples. I have the intention of sending at least two letters of thanks on this trip. I'm writing that here so I have the potential embarrassment of not following through on such a simple and necessary element of being a connected human. Writing letters, sharing thoughts, spreading ideas. I love.
y'all this is literally the best platform I'm so happy I can share all these self portraits from years passed. All my muses pulling through me.
this is from the christmas holiday where my partner and I got stuck in the city shut down with snow. the sun was blasting and I had just visited the house where my father died and as I walked up the stairs memories past and future vibrated through my center.. I wrote a poem about it then:
Russian Dolls of my past selves follow behind me holding onto a rope to make sure we all stay together while crossing the street
I can’t turn around to see them but I know they’re there I can feel them trip on each other’s heels it’s kinetic and reverberates into the present
I’ve trained myself to forgive I’m learning how to be annoyed effectively I can be angry right
when I visit the house my dad died in my train of ghosts merge and expand in me like a slinky climbing down the stairs the rhythm of push and pull
my ghosts, my past selves i can’t turn around to see them because they’re all right here, in my eyes
I wonder if that’s why I like taking my glasses off blurring the vision I have of what’s in front of me sensing the feelings I’m carrying the people I’ve been
I did it! I received the premaster file from my producer (which means we took off our Logic-native AI mastering, which was used in the version I shared in the previous post) and forwarded it to the mastering engineer.
Now...we wait. 🥹 I'll keep y'all posted!!
Thank you for helping me move forward on my music project. Absolute legends.
Y'all, I was actually not expecting this ahahaha this is amazing and I appreciate you all so much!!
I just sent a follow up message to my producer to make sure all the stems for the test song are up to date, and then I will email the mastering engineer to see what he does with that one song!!
Here is a link to the track we are testing out, Guard Dog. It's the first song we recorded (before we did the other 7 on the album this year), so we are the most familiar with it. We thought it would be the perfect tester track!
as i've been looking for the other Frédéric Forest illustrations, I've found the timed poses I did during a virtual figure drawing class in 2020! Forgive me, as I do not have the names of the participants, but aren't they just lovely??
Just putting this here so I can document the idea and process: I have created my first solo music album I have sent the link to anyone who has asked, and everyone I wanted to hear it It is mixed
and: It needs to be mastered. That is the actual next step.
I am about to email a mastering engineer who charges, I believe, $65/track. That is an excellent price, especially considering the testimonials he shared.
Then, if my producer and I like what he does, we'll hire him to do the whole album. If not, I'll keep paying to get engineers to master until we find the right one.
Then I will crowd fund. Little crowdfundings for each step of getting this album out might just be my way to the success I see.
And now I'm going to forcefully stop myself from envisioning the future and how this process will work and just take that first step and pay for just the first track.
Actually!! I'll start getting used to this now: If you'd like to donate toward this process, this is the path I'm currently on and sticking to. I'm following this all the way to where I'll have toured in many cities and made the impact I've intended to during my lifetime.
Also, all this is being done while I still share here, instagram, patreon, and my mailing list. In my future, I will learn my flow of them all more consistently and effectively.
an illustrator named Frédéric Forest sent me a couple sketches of my recent posts. He's done a couple other sketches of me in the past I'll try to find 🌹
A little snippet of my "modeling" movement process for this series. Since it was so early (I had just woken up and like a bug I just went straight toward the light lol) my body wasn't fully warmed up yet, so my movements reflected my limitations 🙆🏼♀️
i'm so jazzed after shooting with art ! yooooo look at this self portrait ! that finger is WILD &&& i got the behind the scenes moment !! yeah once im on a roll i'm on a roll for those who havent noticed yet, I run in cycles
cycle of extreme output cycle of retreat and rest cycle of receiving repeat
thanks for being here w me more art art and my art coming
Virtual Photo Shoot!! To begin-- he invited me onto the app, I selected "model," and we were connected like a zoom call. if you're familiar with Art's work, he shoots mostly nude with different fabrics covering our nature 😜 I thought about wearing a cute red swimsuit top, but he wanted less overtly sexy/sensual and more weird sexy/sensual. he noticed this wall hanging behind me while I changed and it was easy enough to take down and not a handmade heirloom, so we trusted we could use without much worry!! here are the first few shots he got remotely. quality is pretty freaking good I think !!!
I just had a virtual photoshoot with photographer Art, you may know him on instagram by creativerehabnyc. We used this app called CLOS which apparently takes raw photos, and it was very simple and easy to do this remote shoot!! Here are screenshots we took at the beginning of our process.
Apparently with this app you can have viewers join the shoot and be there with us. If that's interesting to you, let me know (:
He's downloading the images and will edit and I'll share them here once I get them!
Boner enhancers???? As I show more of myself on the internet, the more I am contacted by brands to offer discount codes and get a % of their product referral in return. I just got an email from Boner Bears... and at first I was like ahhh nah, I'm not into that, it's not addressing the root cause and it's a "fix it" product buuuut then I wanted to check here to see if 1) you have used enhancers before and 2) if you would want to try these? Maybe I'm not being open minded about it.
I know only what I've just now googled about them and the reviews. Talk to me!!! Tell me your thoughts!!
hi (: how are you? I've been recovering from a photo gig up in Oregon. It is wild how only two travel days and two days work can create such a vortex of an experience.
I love these kinds of things-- film sets, photo sets. Because they're always different from the last. I love problem solving, and there are always metaphorical fires to put out. The only thing I want to change about them is the labor expected. If you treat me right, I will extend myself in such beautiful and surprising ways that will add countless value. Good food, ample breaks, good company, clear communication. If I am rushed, pushef, abused, not fed, then of course all energy I give will be riddled with bitterness and safety responses, and a bridge will have to be burned.
There is nothing more important than taking care of myself and letting my body rest. I used to be addicted to fast moving hustle, but now I maintain all my power without extending beyond my net of energy, and I am healthier because of it.
I really hope y'all treat yourself with the care your body deserves!
