Why did Napoleon and his wife sleep with other people? **Be..
Why did Napoleon and his wife sleep with other people? **Because their last name was Bonaparte, not Bonetogether.**
2024-01-03 19:00:13 +0000 UTC View Post
violetsvip posts
I read a science fiction book where people drill for mercury..
I read a science fiction book where people drill for mercury as a power source. **It was by Hg Wells.**
2024-01-02 19:00:20 +0000 UTC View PostI gave up drinking for the new year Sorry, that came out wro..
I gave up drinking for the new year Sorry, that came out wrong. I gave up. Drinking for the new year.
2024-01-01 19:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostWhat are your New Years resolutions? *I'm upgrading to 2460..
What are your New Years resolutions? *I'm upgrading to 2460×4820.*
2023-12-31 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostWhat do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? *Baco..
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? *Bacon and legs.*
2023-12-30 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostWhat did the conductor do when half of the cello section cal..
What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? *He had to resort to excessive violins.*
2023-12-29 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostMy friend was shocked when I told him I don’t know what the ..
My friend was shocked when I told him I don’t know what the word “apocalypse” means. *I said “Relax. It’s not the end of the world.”*
2023-12-28 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostMy friend lost is job at the zoo. *They caught him spanking..
My friend lost is job at the zoo. *They caught him spanking the monkey.*
2023-12-27 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhy wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorat..
Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree? *Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.*
2023-12-26 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostMy great grandmother got me a ps5 for christmas- *My so-so ..
My great grandmother got me a ps5 for christmas- *My so-so grandmother got me socks.*
2023-12-25 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhy is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve? *Because..
Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve? *Because he always accepts cookies.*
2023-12-24 20:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostA lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree When h..
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” *The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”*
2023-12-23 19:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostThere are 3 types of people in the world; those who are good..
There are 3 types of people in the world; those who are good at math... *And those who aren't.*
2023-12-22 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostA tree's first winter must be terrifying. *Imagine the relea..
A tree's first winter must be terrifying. *Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.*
2023-12-21 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostSinging in the shower is all fun and games until you get sha..
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth *Then it just becomes a soap opera.*
2023-12-20 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostIf I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in S..
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective... *I'd say it's Doctor Whom.*
2023-12-19 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostThe Mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep up t..
The Mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep up to date. *They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.*
2023-12-18 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhat did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looki..
What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree? *"I'd tap that."*
2023-12-17 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhy did Willy Wonka close his chocolate factory? *He was sh..
Why did Willy Wonka close his chocolate factory? *He was short staffed.*
2023-12-16 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostI want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people..
I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea. *I am going to call it Boba Fetish.*
2023-12-15 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostHumans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not..
Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters? *Because they are filled with anty bodies.*
2023-12-14 19:00:34 +0000 UTC View PostI'm an expert in ice cream... *I went to sundae school.*
I'm an expert in ice cream... *I went to sundae school.*
2023-12-13 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhat type of glasses do gingerbread man wear? *Eye Candy!*
What type of glasses do gingerbread man wear? *Eye Candy!*
2023-12-12 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostHow is a mountain similar to a penis? *While measuring its ..
How is a mountain similar to a penis? *While measuring its length, no one can agree where the base is.*
2023-12-11 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostA private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a..
A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested. *He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.*
2023-12-09 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostMost people like their eggs fried or scrambled, I like mine ..
Most people like their eggs fried or scrambled, I like mine baked... in cookies, brownies and cake.
2023-12-08 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostWhat word starts with "E" and ends in "E" but only has one l..
What word starts with "E" and ends in "E" but only has one letter in it? *Envelope.*
2023-12-07 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostPeople are always worried about their cell phones or microwa..
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. *It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about........it's been collecting dirt on you for years.*
2023-12-06 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostSo, I went to a ninja parade *It was a complete rip off. I ..
So, I went to a ninja parade *It was a complete rip off. I didn't see a damn thing, but I kept finding candy in my pockets.*
2023-12-05 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostI got fired from a sperm bank... *Every time someone walked..
I got fired from a sperm bank... *Every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"*
2023-12-04 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post