What burns longer, a red or a blue candle? *Neither, they b..
What burns longer, a red or a blue candle? *Neither, they both burn shorter.*
2023-12-03 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
violetsvip posts
I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the mo..
I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theatre. *It's ok though, it still saved me money.*
2023-12-02 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostWhat do you call a metric cookie? *A gram cracker.*
What do you call a metric cookie? *A gram cracker.*
2023-12-01 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhy couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter? B..
Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter? Because the shelter was non prophet.
2023-11-30 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostA guy opens up a bakery specializing in pies. *He calls it F..
A guy opens up a bakery specializing in pies. *He calls it Fool’s Gold Bakery. The slogan is “We do Pyrite.”*
2023-11-29 19:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostWho Flips Frankenstein's French Toast? *Count Spatula!*
Who Flips Frankenstein's French Toast? *Count Spatula!*
2023-11-28 19:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostDid you hear about the cyber criminal who got away? They r..
Did you hear about the cyber criminal who got away? They ransomware!
2023-11-27 19:00:15 +0000 UTC View PostSylvester Stallone has launched a new range of cakes. I woul..
Sylvester Stallone has launched a new range of cakes. I would highly recommend them. *They are the best thing since Sly's bread.*
2023-11-26 19:00:16 +0000 UTC View PostWhy was the shopping center’s father ashamed? *He didn’t r..
Why was the shopping center’s father ashamed? *He didn’t raise his daughter to be a strip-mall!*
2023-11-25 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post"BLACK FRIDAY SALE" My house. *You And Me...All Clothes 10..
"BLACK FRIDAY SALE" My house. *You And Me...All Clothes 100% Off.*
2023-11-24 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostAs a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was unti..
As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. *I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!*
2023-11-23 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostMy friend was dating two blonde haired, blue eyed twins from..
My friend was dating two blonde haired, blue eyed twins from Sweden, but he couldn’t tell the difference between them. *He finally worked out that Anna has a little freckle on her right butt cheek, and Bjorn has a moustache.*
2023-11-22 19:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostI'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars. *That..
I'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars. *That way, I'll always have Twix up my sleeve.*
2023-11-21 19:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostI hate IKEA but whenever I go, I can’t leave without buying ..
I hate IKEA but whenever I go, I can’t leave without buying absurd amounts of things for my house. *I’m suffering from Stock Home Syndrome.*
2023-11-20 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostWhat do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" ..
What do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" jokes? *Single.*
2023-11-19 19:00:25 +0000 UTC View PostWhy was Mickey Mouse so upset that Goofy's name was written ..
Why was Mickey Mouse so upset that Goofy's name was written in the snow? *It was done in Minnie's handwriting.*
2023-11-18 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostDid you hear about the Leper going for the masturbation worl..
Did you hear about the Leper going for the masturbation world record? *Eventually he pulled it off!*
2023-11-17 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostEvery time I go through a fast food window They hand me my f..
Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say “sorry about the weight.” *I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.*
2023-11-16 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostMy buddy has been sacked from his job in recycling. *I can..
My buddy has been sacked from his job in recycling. *I can't believe he has gone and thrown it all away.*
2023-11-15 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostDid you hear about the cucumber who sold his soul to be pick..
Did you hear about the cucumber who sold his soul to be pickled? *He made a dill with the devil.*
2023-11-14 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostMany people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician..
Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, *but Did he listen?*
2023-11-13 19:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostApparently the world tongue twister champion was recently ar..
Apparently the world tongue twister champion was recently arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a tough sentence
2023-11-12 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostI'm not saying my friend is stupid *But she thought Rememb..
I'm not saying my friend is stupid *But she thought Remembrance Day was for people with Alzheimer's.*
2023-11-11 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostI heard Marines like to eat crayons, but what's their favour..
I heard Marines like to eat crayons, but what's their favourite flavour of crayon? *Crayonberry.*
2023-11-10 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostHow do you take away an Italian's freedom of speech? *Hand..
How do you take away an Italian's freedom of speech? *Handcuff them*
2023-11-09 19:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostIt's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... *Because the..
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... *Because they always take things literally.*
2023-11-08 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostWhy is it difficult to follow no nut November ? *Well, it ..
Why is it difficult to follow no nut November ? *Well, it gets increasingly 'hard' as the days pass by.*
2023-11-07 19:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostWhat do you give Sean Connery when he's eating nachos in a b..
What do you give Sean Connery when he's eating nachos in a bathtub? *Shower Cream*
2023-11-06 19:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostMost modern clocks these days auto-update when daylight savi..
Most modern clocks these days auto-update when daylight savings begins/ends.
2023-11-05 19:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostA Teacher is giving out candy and the students are trying to..
A Teacher is giving out candy and the students are trying to guess the flavor. No one can figure it out so the teacher gives a hint. "It's what your mother sometimes calls your father." The students look around for a minute and timmy in the back yells *"SPIT IT OUT IT'S ASSHOLE!"*
2023-11-04 18:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post