benjaminkoll

Ho Ho Ho! December has arrived and it's time to morph into S..

Ho Ho Ho! December has arrived and it's time to morph into Santa for another year of making many kinds of fantasies come true 😜🎅🏻🎄

Please let me know what you'd like Santa to do for you and me and the elves will try their best to make it happen for you.

It will be a challenging month because, well, you already know, but I have some exciting things in store, the first of which comes next Thursday with the release of the "Turn Back The Clock" single and music video. I have a few more things in the works but I would rather not say just in case. We are just going to play it by ear and see how it goes from day to day. But rest assured, there will be plenty of Santa goodies for you to enjoy every day.

Have a great Sunday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, woke up today remembering this photo shoo..

Good morning guys, woke up today remembering this photo shoot, it was so fun (and liberating!) 🤪😈
4th chemo cycle is about to end, so expect videos and more coming in one or two days ☺️
I have finished the "Turn Back The Clock" music video!!! 🎉 It took me forever, but I think it's going to be a great addition to the collection. I don't want to spoil the fun of discovering what it's about, but I can tell you it will premiere on Youtube next Thursday (December 5th).

Have a great Saturday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, got new pajamas and of course had to take..

Good morning guys, got new pajamas and of course had to take some pictures for you before the actual photo shoot 😜📸🐼

I took these pics yesterday and woke up early today to do a "quick" edit of them. I'm hoping to do a proper photo shoot in them next week during chemo break.

This cycle is definitely going better, I have a little more energy because I'm not overdoing it, and although it is what it is, it's bearable. Only 4 more days...

Have a great Friday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, let's play a game... what was I thinking ..

Good morning guys, let's play a game... what was I thinking on this set of pictures? 🤔🔎🤪

These were taken by Evert in September 2021 and I thought they would make a nice #throwbackthursday ☺️ It was a little game of character study.

Things are slow this week, the last days of each chemo cycle are like this, I have to follow a tight schedule of meals and rest and can't do much else. The other day even the TV remote weighed a ton, crazy! But the good thing is that it's not constant. Yesterday, for example, I was able to cook. But it was only for an hour, the rest of the afternoon I spent watching the new series "Day Of The Jackal" on Disney +, and after that I watched the second half of Star Wars (the original first movie) and the last episode of the second season of the original Star Trek series, one of my favorites along with "The City on the Edge of Forever" with Joan Collins.

But enough rambling haha, happy Thanksgiving to my US friends and a happy Thursday to all, I promise to get back to editing videos as soon as I can 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, while going through my vault looking for ..

Good morning guys, while going through my vault looking for stuff to use in the music video I'm working on for "Turn Back The Clock" I found this selection of pictures from my first "official" photo shoot as Benjamin Koll 🐼

The pictures were taken by my (now) husband during my first visit to Guadalajara (Mexico) on April 29th, 2015. At that time I had decided to quit my career as a mainstream music producer to follow this dream of mine to finally dare to be an artist myself, and we were looking for ways to present myself. I was sure of some things: I wanted to present myself as a gay bear, I wanted everything to be sexy (this is an advice Jean Michel Jarre gave me a few months earlier in a very interesting conversation we had in Amsterdam in October 2014) and I wanted it to look aspirational.

That's how we came up with this first part of the photo shoot where I kind of acted like the Hulk ☺️. It was a playful way of avoiding shyness and fear of the camera. Some of these I had edited more in the past, some of them are new to you, but all of them are more or less as they came out of the camera, with just light and color fixes that hubby added at the time.

I'm in the second half of my 4th chemo cycle now, and energy is limited, so excuse me if I'm not online much, I was a mess yesterday, spent most of the day sleeping. Today I'm a bit more energetic, but I'll lay down after posting this just in case. Thank you so much for continuing to support me ❤️

Have a great Wednesday 😘 ❤️

Good morning, everyone! This is my second encounter with Eli..

Good morning, everyone! This is my second encounter with Eliud, and things get a little steamy as we take our clothes off. 🐼😘🐻

Please welcome my dear friend Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post this video elsewhere 🙏🏻.

Have a great Monday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, a friend told me yesterday that he was pl..

Good morning guys, a friend told me yesterday that he was planning to visit Maspalomas beach in the Grand Canary Islands and I remembered this photo shoot we did there in 2013. What a beautiful place. 🌊🐼

It was around 6pm, we had the beach to ourselves and took lots of pictures that I've been able to edit and make look better than ever. I love how technology is progressing these days! ☺️

Sorry I wasn't able to edit the second chapter of my new collaboration with Eliud in time to post it today, I was working on the upcoming music video and spent all my "energy time" on it yesterday. I'll do my best to have it ready tomorrow.

Happy Sunday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! Eliud and I are meeting again and this ti..

Good morning guys! Eliud and I are meeting again and this time we are going all out, starting with a nice cuddling and kissing session 🐼😘🐻

Please welcome my dear friend Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post this video elsewhere 🙏🏻 Chapter two is out probably tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your comments and messages these days, they mean a lot. I'm approaching the middle part of my chemo treatment and the CAT scan tests are coming up on December 4th. It's the norm to do them at this point when the 4th cycle ends, but still a little scary (and expensive), so your support really matters. Thank you ❤️

Until then, I'm keeping busy with all the plans I partially revealed in my last newsletter and post (don't want to jinx other things in the works 😅) and also looking for a new collab, anyone visiting Guadalajara soon? 😜

Have a great Saturday 😘 ❤️

Good morning everyone! As we approach this year's Christmas ..

Good morning everyone! As we approach this year's Christmas season, I'm preparing for you a December full of Santa joy and surprises 🎅🏼😉🎊.

I'm going to keep yesterday's new "Can I Be Loved" music video pinned to my profile for a few more days so you don't miss it. Now I'm working on two other videos, which I hope to have ready in time.

The first music video (long in the making) will accompany a "Turn Back The Clock" single release for download and streaming on December 5th. It's a special version I made for live performances, slightly faster and longer than the album version. I especially like this one much more ☺️

The second video will be a surprise for now, so I will not jinx it 😜.

Then there will be a third single release before the end of the year...

Lots of exciting work. I'm learning to manage my energy while in chemo and things are starting to flow and be ready for release.

And speaking of releases.... get ready for my second encounter with Eliud, the first video will most likely be finished and posted here by this time tomorrow and let me tell you this time we didn't start slow 🤪.

Happy Friday 😘 ❤️

Hey guys, it's finally here! This is the "Adamite" version o..

Hey guys, it's finally here! This is the "Adamite" version of "Can I be Loved", a music video that has been a long time in the making ☺️

I shot this video last year and released a YouTube version and another uncensored version here and on my other subscription sites. The uncensored version has some shots (on digital screens) of me without clothes, because that was the original idea for the video (there are some words I can't use in this text to avoid blocking). The first video I shot was in Adam's clothes (hence the title "Adamite Version"), but when I started editing it, I realized that it was quite shocking and I would never be able to use it on Youtube and monetize it properly (these videos are expensive to make, you need to have an amortization plan). I also never quite got the right idea of how to present it, how to make it more about the song and less about the dong 😜.

But last month I finally visualized a way to do it, and I started working on it. Now, maybe because of its raw nature, I think it gives even more sense to the song. Let me know what you think.

At any rate, I think it's an interesting creative way to make music videos interesting (when you don't have the budget a mainstream artist has).

In other related news, Patreon is finally allowing creators to offer discounts, so I've added a 10% discount that will be available until December 10th, just in case you're curious about the other stuff I've been posting there and want to keep helping me pay for my rounds of chemo (not having insurance can be scary sometimes, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart every day for your support).

Just go to the page and you'll see it there, I think it automatically applies. Let me know if you need any guidance. Oh, another interesting development, they finally allow us 18+ content creators to be found on their search engine, just type in my name and click on "show all results", that will take you to a results page that has my link (although the profile pic is blurred).

Happy Thursday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! Time to share the last video of this 6 pa..

Good morning guys! Time to share the last video of this 6 part series with Eliud, a nice and grand finale 🤪🐼💦🐻

Coming up next, our second encounter, which happened a week later, was less massage and more fun in bed 😜 Stay tuned!

Please welcome my dear friend Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post this video elsewhere 🙏🏻

Yesterday I started the 4th cycle with the I.V. part of the treatment and it all went well. I was low on energy in the afternoon as expected, but nothing out of the ordinary, which is great ☺️. Today I'm going to continue editing the music video I want to release here, on JFF and Patreon before the end of the week, so I can start working on two more. Oh, and there's music coming 😉 I'll keep you posted.

Happy Wednesday 😘 ❤️

Happy Monday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! Two releases in a row? Are we crazy or wh..

Good morning guys! Two releases in a row? Are we crazy or what?? 😜💦🤪
I shot this last Friday. I'm still a little insecure about my scars and I also was not sure I was going to be able to cum, but to my surprise it felt great and I came more than the last time with Eliud, so yay me! 😜💦🎉

I'm starting my fourth chemo cycle today (I programmed this post yesterday so you had some entertainment today ☺️). I'll be in and out most of the day, but probably won't be able to do much. I'll keep you posted here and on social media.

Happy Tuesday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, time for a nice and goooood release, what..

Good morning guys, time for a nice and goooood release, what better way to start the week? 😜💦🐻

Please welcome my dear friend Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post this video elsewhere 🙏🏻

The week starts a little hectic, I have to keep editing and hopefully finish the first draft of the subscriber edition of "Can I Be Loved" today. Tomorrow I start my fourth cycle of chemotherapy, which means I'll be out most of the day. I'll keep you posted here and on social media.

Happy Monday 😘 ❤️

Good morning with a Lego twist ☺️ and a b-side for those who..

Good morning with a Lego twist ☺️ and a b-side for those who like cake 🍰😜

Quick post because I have a lot to do this morning (for you). The thing about my 7 day break from chemo is that I get my energy back, so it's the best time to create content that I can edit later when treatment resumes so I have stuff to share with you. The downside is I get stressed because there's a lot on the list and I have to prioritize ☺️ but it's all good. Thank you so much for supporting me here, with your help I'm able to pay for my treatments ❤️‍🩹

Have a great Saturday 😘❤️

Good morning guys! my first encounter with Eliud continues a..

Good morning guys! my first encounter with Eliud continues and this time I take over and give my dear friend the king treatment 😜👑.

Please welcome Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post this video elsewhere 🙏🏻

My chemo break is going well, my facial skin is almost back to its optimal state (the things you learn on this journey...) and I am 1/3 of the way through the "Can I Be Loved" video. So far so good, and I'm tempted to take a walk outside this weekend (or two). I need to enjoy the world outside before the next cycle ☺️

Have a nice Friday 😘❤️

Good morning guys! What is it about hotel mirrors and lighti..

Good morning guys! What is it about hotel mirrors and lighting that you can't help but take a selfie... or two... and then some 😜.

I woke up and remembered these pictures and thought they would make a good #throwbackthursday 🕰️ They were taken at Hotel Axel in Madrid on December 2022 ☺️

My chemo break continues. I'm editing the music video, which I hope to have ready next week, and today I'll also save some time to work on music. Have a great Thursday 😘 ❤️

Hey guys! My massage session with Eliud continues until some..

Hey guys! My massage session with Eliud continues until something happens and we let our instincts take over 😜😈.

And I can tell you (and you will be able to tell) it felt amazing ☺️

Please welcome Eliud, he's about to open his own OF page, I'll let you know when it's ready so I can tag him properly, and please respect our privacy and don't post it elsewhere 🙏🏻

I'm working on the new version of the "Can I Be Loved" video and hopefully I'll be able to work on some surprises before the end of the week 😉 I'll keep you posted.

Have a great Wednesday 😘 ❤️

Hey guys, I'm finally ready to edit the alternate version of..

Hey guys, I'm finally ready to edit the alternate version of "Can I Be Loved" that I filmed. A full frontal video, raw and maybe a little too intense...

You can find the uncut version of the video here (look in the video collection or click on the tags in this post).

These are a few frames I did back then testing some looks. The final video won't look like this, but I thought you'd enjoy them while I have it ready.

I've finally finished my third cycle of chemo. I got through it without any serious problems, but the last few days were tough, I was sleeping most of the time and not able to do much. Sorry for not posting until today.

Have a nice Tuesday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, here's a nice memory to start the week ☺️..

Good morning guys, here's a nice memory to start the week ☺️

These pictures depict one of my happy places, skinny dipping in the water, just enjoying the simple pleasure of water on my skin. 💦🐼

We took them the afternoon of my 54th birthday, the water was boiling hot, but I didn't care. I was a happy potato 🤣.

I'm about to finish my third chemo cycle, and although it's ending without any major problems, my energy has been low (and a little weird) since Saturday, so I'm resting as much as I can. The good thing is that I'll finish tomorrow and I know from the other times before that I'll feel better very quickly. Then I'll continue editing the videos with Eliud so you can also enjoy that great time.

Happy Monday 😘 ❤️

Hey guys! Join me on the couch, let's have a nice long chat ..

Hey guys! Join me on the couch, let's have a nice long chat and maybe more 😜

I have very little time today, so I edited this picture for you that I made for the Halloween special this year. There are three more, I'll edit them when I have time. There will be a new video chapter tomorrow if I have time to edit it 😅.

Why such a hurry? Well, you know I have limited energy these days, I can usually do things until 12pm but that's it, the rest of the day I need to rest and take it easy. The thing is that Les Wright (founder of the Bear History Project) contacted me last month and we already did an interview for his archives. It was very interesting to talk about how the bear community took shape in Spain and my experiences since the early nineties working in many aspects of events and organizations. Today we're going to record a podcast episode with Bearly Noticed about the current state of the community and what's next. I'm not sure when it will be available since the whole point of the project is to preserve our bear history, but I'll let you know.

Have a good Friday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! They say you need to massage the dough we..

Good morning guys! They say you need to massage the dough well to make a good cake 🍰 well, mine got the royal treatment this time 😜🤪

Please welcome Eliud, this is the second part of our first collaboration together, a nice, long and relaxing massage that is slowly developing into... you'll know more tomorrow 😜

I'm doing well in this third cycle, still low on energy, but rest and good mood help. That's why I was mostly offline yesterday. You know what I mean 😉 .

Please take care of yourselves and reach out to your chosen families. Love is all that matters 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! Please welcome my dear friend Eliud 🐻☺️!W..

Good morning guys! Please welcome my dear friend Eliud 🐻☺️!

We met last Friday and started with a nice long and relaxing massage, please join us, it felt so great to have this after so many months ☺️

This is the first part of many to come, but as you know by now I love to start things slow and build up... 🤪.

I'll try to edit parts daily and keep them coming. I will also let you know when Eliud has his OF profile up and running.

Now I'm going back to rest all day, have a nice Wednesday 😘❤️

Hey guys, just a quick post to let you know that 2 new sets ..

Hey guys, just a quick post to let you know that 2 new sets of collab videos are coming very soon 🎉.

Please meet my dear friend Eliud 🧸 we took this picture just yesterday.

We had a great time together and I can't wait to share the videos with you, just give me some time to finish editing them 😅.

He's also putting together his OF profile, I'll let you know when it's ready.

Bear hugs! ❤️

PS: this collab will ONLY be available here 😉

Morning folks, breakfast is on the table and its all yours 😜..

Morning folks, breakfast is on the table and its all yours 😜😈🍆

This is the last post of this gallery, I'm happy to finally present it to you the way it should look. Sometimes photo shoots come out too dark or too noisy, but thanks to recent advances in photo editing tools, we are able to bring all those details back to life like there was never a problem to begin with ☺️ (just wait for the Santa revival this year ho ho ho 🎅🏻)

As I told you the other day, I did two collabs with a dear friend (announcement coming in an hour or so), now I have to edit them 😅 I'm happy, but today I need to rest most of the day to regain my strength. Yesterday morning I also finished mixing the first demo of the second new song I've been working on, a very beautiful but sad ballad, and I'm super happy about it. I'm not an expert on ballads, but I hope I can make it work. The thing I was most worried about, the vocal performance, is (I think) on point, so now it's just a matter of making the music work.

Have a great Tuesday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys! Here are two of my favorite pictures ever..

Good morning guys! Here are two of my favorite pictures ever, for the first time exactly as they were taken 😜📸.

Then I included the two additional ones we took, not as good, but just as revealing 😉.

Evert Arrañaga was the photographer. I just blurred the background and fixed the color, the rest is as it was. I've used some of these on other edits and artwork before, but they were more heavily processed. I found the originals the other day and thought it would be fun to revisit them.

I'm about halfway through this third chemo cycle, and although it's hard, it's going better than last time, so I've been able to work on music (have two new songs in the works) and also some new content (collab coming this week). I'm happy to be able to adjust to it, but wow guys, there are moments when you feel like you've been hit by a comet 😅.

But... eyes on the prize! Have a nice Monday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, it was Saturday night, a bar and I was ba..

Good morning guys, it was Saturday night, a bar and I was back on the same stool waiting for you... 🍸🐼

We're about to say goodbye to this series, only one post left that will be coming soon. I was finally able to edit the pictures properly and they look the way they should. Many of them are presented here for the first time: ☺️

I'm editing my first collab since June as fast as I can (it takes time and energy, so give me some time), I'll announce it properly tomorrow (here's hoping) and start posting it the next day 😜.

I'm also working on a new song, so inspiration is still high 😉.

Happy Sunday 😘 ❤️

Hey guys! My dear and very talented friend Saul Aguilar did ..

Hey guys! My dear and very talented friend Saul Aguilar did this artwork inspired on my "pool party" series galleries you can find here. 

I love how he reimagined everything, but I'm scared of those nipples LOL 😅🤣🤣

I've also included a short video of his creation process for you to enjoy. Please follow Saul on Instagram (where his profile gets deleted from time to time, be sure to follow his backup accounts), X or Patreon. He's a wonderful guy and we need to support our artists in the community 😉.
This is his link tree, hope the link stays (OF is tricky about this things): https://linktr.ee/Art_b34rs

More to come later, until then have a nice weekend 😘❤️

Good morning everyone! Here's a little Halloween special, pu..

Good morning everyone! Here's a little Halloween special, pumpkin or not pumpkin? swipe for your favorite 😜🎃👻

Yesterday was a good day, I had a lot of energy, enough to do these special pics and.... drum roll please 🥁🥁🥁... a COLLABORATION!!!!

Yes! You read it well. I have to edit it now (it's a long session) but it will be out soon. I think you'll like it, it's my first time doing something like this since May, and I was a little insecure, but it felt great. I'll try to edit it as soon as possible, I promise.

Well, with all that, have a wonderful Friday 😘 ❤️

Good morning guys, just imagine what you would do if you fou..

Good morning guys, just imagine what you would do if you found me sitting on a bar stool like this? 😜

FYI I've been in this situation twice and it was great, maybe we should try it 🤪

I will try to do some Halloween related pics later, but feel free to browse my history here and the "halloween" tag in this post today for some past highlights 🎃

Have a very spooky and fun Halloween 😘👻 ❤️

Two short videos to celebrate #wetwednesday 😊💦🐻

Two short videos to celebrate #wetwednesday 😊💦🐻