I would never consider doing this had I not made so much progress, but I took this in horrible lighting in a doctor’s office, no make up. I hated hours I looked at the time I took it, but now I’m glad I did because the more I look, the more comfortable I am with my face. This is also before I dyed my hair pink so it’s looking a bit wild here.
Even though it’s called BODY Dysmorphic Disorder, it mostly affects how I perceive my face. Even though I had an ED for a very long time and struggled to love my body, I made progress with it over time. My face, however? It’s a deep abyss of ugliness to me; unsightly, old, sagging, and sad. I especially don’t like photos taken in natural sunlight, which is uncommon for MOST people; many like natural sunlight for it’s flattering nature, but I feel the most vulnerable with the sun on my face. Maybe it’s because I am a vampire, or some kind of gremlin. Regardless, despite not liking it, the first pic posted is by the window, candidly, while I was out and about. The rest are of my new (weird) hair, and the last is spicy like butter chicken. Enjoy. <3
Small photo dump. Some teasing, some not. ;) Sometimes I am self conscious of my skin removal scar, and other times I feel like a sexy Frankenstein lady.
Oof. I’ve been battling a mystery illness off and on AND I am waiting on my new red bra to arrive so things are a little behind. But here’s my boobs, cause I thought they were lookin’ pretty good.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays (Or happy 25th if you don’t celebrate anything today!) Here’s some “sexy” pictures I took over the week. Truth be told, the last few months have been a trying time for me, on top of the last year and a half or so being difficult and sprinkled with grief. Since losing my mom to brain cancer, things have been up and down for me. I do my best to push through the days: I do my video work, I sell my art, I try new things, I update this page. But despite being able to function and be responsible, my heart hurts. When my heart hurts, I sometimes fall into binge eating, then my weight fluctuates wildly. Even though I did gain weight this winter and it sets off my BDD and temptations to purge, I am going to keep posting pics of my body here because I deserve to feel sexy and appreciated at any weight. Know that it is -extremely- difficult to do, but this body is who I am, and it holds my brain, so it definitely has its uses. I know it may seem weird to say this here, seeing as though this IS an Only Fans, but your body doesn’t define who you are, or even how sexy you are, and I say this as much to you as I say to myself: Sexiness comes from inside the house. (But let’s me honest, tattoos help. ;))
Grief is weird. It can manifest from so many different things: Death, breakups, losing a job, losing a pet, distancing from family. And it feels different for each person, but for me, it feels like I am constantly missing something that no longer exists. Or for something inaccessible to me, like my childhood home. It once existed, it was once my entire world, and now it’s a thought that I can’t fully form. It’s hard, but know that this page has given me such strength and confidence.
Even though I was on the plane, I was still naughty. Just in time for Christmas.
Apologies for the delay, I seem to have contracted the cold to end all times. Alarmingly, I’ve been sick and coughing for months on end, so I do plan on getting some x-rays soon. Would you like to see my x-rays? Maybe x-rays are sexy.
I will keep you all apprised of course, and when my voice stops sounding like a dying frog, I will get a video up for you. <3