Today I want to talk about communication, cause by a weird situation when I had to fight for me cumming during the sex. Whether it’s in sexual, romantic, or even platonic relationships. And so it led me here, wanting to share my thoughts with you, and being sure you could relate.
When someone opens up about something personal or troubling, the least we can do is listen. Yet, so often, that’s not what happens. Instead, we’re met with defensiveness. I’ve experienced it myself more times than I’d like to admit, and I’m sure you have too.
I’m writing this out of frustration. And even though I’ve already processed it and moved on, that doesn’t erase how unfair and upsetting it felt in the moment—or how often it feels in situations like this. The thing is, I make a real effort to communicate nonviolently. Honestly, Rosenberg would probably be cheering me on from the afterlife. I don’t say, “You’re terrible.” I say, *“I feel uncomfortable in this situation.”
But you know what hurts? When that effort is met with defensiveness, excuses, or self-protection instead of understanding. When you open up, showing your vulnerability, hoping for connection, and the response you get is justification.
Here’s the thing: when someone tells you they’re upset or uncomfortable, your first move shouldn’t be to take it personally. It’s not about you. Don’t jump in with, “Well, it’s because…” or “I didn’t mean it like that…” Just listen. Really listen. Don’t twist it to make it about yourself.
This isn’t too much to ask. If you have something to add, if there’s a point you want to make, that’s fine. There will be time for that. But first, validate what I’m saying. Validate me. That’s empathy.
Real communication starts with listening. You focus on what matters to the other person first. That’s how you create space for dialogue. And that’s how understanding grows.
2025-01-04 14:15:48 +0000 UTC
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This post is going to be about borderline personality disorder and how it impacts my self-identity, sexuality, and self-sexualization and the desire to be adored in general.
Every time I develop strong feelings for someone, I inevitably absorb not only a big part of their interests but also their aesthetic. On a date, and often beyond it, I start looking exactly how I know they’d like me to. Not because I want to be loved "at any cost," but because I want to gain maximum control over intimacy and the attention directed at me.
I’ll be whoever you want me to be: I’ll smile, move, and speak the way you like and about things that will resonate with you. I’ll tie my hair up, wear more green, outline my eyes with black eyeliner, put on oversized light jeans and sneakers, wear stockings and a boring shade of lipstick, add a bunch of accessories—or take them all off. I’ll dress up, undress.
I might turn into a walking sexualized stereotype in heavy platform boots. Or I might relax, go for a natural, confident look, and slip into Converse sneakers. I’ll become "interesting," "myself," with a "unique style," wearing the same stockings as gloves, pairing them with a top, a choker, and earrings made of clay and stones.
Still, I’ll never change my personality. Instead, I’ll highlight those aspects of my interests that align with ours. I’ll get as close as possible to the image of your desires while staying far enough away for you to see only what you want to see but can’t have.
And yet, it all ends when I start letting go of control, while intimacy still lingers. That’s when genuine connection begins, and you’ll slip your hand under the shirt I put on to match my mood. I’ll know I’m accepted—and that I always would have been, no matter what. But now, I’ll wait for the moment that inevitably comes next. I’ll wait for you to start falling in love with me. And that moment always comes after I’ve already fallen. Falling in love pulls me into vulnerability, and the urge to mirror becomes more of an exception than a constant pattern.
What I’ve written here reflects almost fully processed experiences that I felt it was important to share—to finally step out of the role of the woman who wants to please everyone. What’s described above has nothing to do with how I behave online, but it was once my conscious way of interacting with such people. It’s also important to admit that these things only happen in cases of intense and unhealthy obsession, which arises in certain interactions.
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