Hello my loves! I will be back by the weekend posting new things and making sure all messages are responded to! I’ve been trying to just do work stuff when my kiddos go to their dad’s house so it’s taking me a bit to get use to working in this way and getting caught up on my task list of everything since I took the summer off. I just wanted to let you know and send you some loveeee 💗💗💗
Hello my loves 💞 my birthday is on Sunday and it’s really creeped up on me. I am feeling really depressed about it to be honest which is so unlike me 😩 I have really been struggling for what seems like forever now. I’m trying to not judge myself for the amount of time it is taking for me to seemingly “check back in” to reality, but it gets hard when my own birthday is just like meh and making me feel sad. I think part of the reason is because I normally do my birthday ear eating video and I can’t do that on YouTube now and I feel lost on what to do really because idk I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone and I know I need to just push myself to be more active and stuff…I just feel so, idk I don’t feel like the person I was able to present and I don’t want to share this depressed version of myself and find myself isolating more. I know it’s my own doing with negative thought patterns, but it’s still a challenge. Anyway, I share this because it makes me feel better to get it off my chest and admit that I’m doing “meh” lol. Also just like the state of the world, whew… we are getting bombarded! Anyway, I truly do send all of you love and good energy daily (even when I am gone from the internet) because I appreciate you so much and I so desperate like want to be back here for you 😩😭💗 Anyway, so I’ll probably be doing more birthday stuff when I feel happier even if it’s past my birthday lol. I’m going to schedule some stuff tonight because I have a few things to get out that you’re definitely going to really enjoy! And I am sending you a big hug!! 🤗
Send me some good energy that I’ll be able to finally film / make content this weekend. It’s been literal months 🫠 I use to be able to channel this little sexy energy and now I’m like “blah” potato woman unable to even post an Instagram story 😂 MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 🥔 It’s just so weird to have such a dramatic shift of self. And, I feel silly complaining about such a thing…I get it. It’s not that serious. I know! I am just having a weirdly hard time getting into the swing of things and the moment I think I’ve got it figured out something will happen to derail me in someway. I try to look at the signs and see if there’s something else that is meant to be my purpose here; but I genuinely just like the idea of having a living space for people who need some love. lol. The universe just keeps giving me a lot of breaks and zero motivation. If anyone has ever been here and mastered the shift, let me know how you did it?! So, yeah — at a standstill again because I got sick BUT my plan is to be ready to make content by Friday 🙏 What are some of your favorite ASMR videos / content requests you have? I feel so out of touch so any guidance you have is appreciated 💗
Check your DMs for the SPICYYY 🔥version of this try on haul! Sending you so much love 🥰 babe! I hope you have an INCREDIBLE weekend. You are the best and worthy of so much love babbbyyy!! ❤️💋
Happy Fridayyy!!! I hope you had a wonderful week. I got a workout in today and I’m feeeeeling goood because it’s the weekend and I have nothing to do and nowhere to be. Just letting my energy flow wherever it’s deciding to go these days. It’s a very wild ride! lol 💗
🤍 I was able to utilize some energy to film…let’s go! If you pray or meditate or talk to spirits (it’s all the same to me), if you could genuinely add me to your prayer list just like — help me work through this blockage that keeps happening with YouTube and help me get clarity on what I’m suppose to be doing. There’s a lot of sexual undertones to my ASMR that I embraced because I was like what’s wrong with adult ASMR? It’s like watching an adult show. Just because it isn’t wholesome made for literal children doesn’t mean it’s bad or not appropriate for YouTube (or so I thought). Their platform is so weird (my channel has been demonetized since April for sexual gratification content) and then it puts me in this place where I start to feel a lot of shame and guilt around my sexuality like there’s something wrong with me somehow because of this. Just giving you some insight into this loop I’ve been living for forever now it seems. I am so DONE hitting my head you know 😂 Hopefully everyone likes wholesome, bone dry unsensual ASMR or better yet something will come to me that will help unite us and entertain us and give us some virtual fun like that’s all I’m trying to do. FML. Everything is so FUCKING SERIOUS blah blah bosses, rules, guidelines, control it’s all so wrong!!! Ugh! I CANT STAND BEING CONTROLLED lol Anyway, thank you for reading my live diary and temper tantrums. Feel free to give me advice or just live diary back to me. Life is just so fucking insane sometimes and there’s so many people around you can’t even scream AHH. I’m about to go scream in a pillow brb. 💗
I had to take SO many videos off my YouTube channel today and I am trying to NOT FREAK OUT about it lol. But, I have been crying and honestly just so emotional. I feel like everything in my life is falling apart and I am just terrified...dflja;sdlkjfaa I am trying to work through this feeling as fast as I can...I feel like I can't catch a break haha 😂😭😭😭Anyway, I am debating posting the videos I had to delete here or maybe just putting them on my site of my free page or both. Do you mind having double content in places?
Hiiii! So, I have a real question that I need your honest feedback to help answer. 🙏 PLEASE, I know it’s long but I really need your help here!!! I am trying to sort out where I am with what I do currently in terms of being sexual here. I have found that what started as a way that made me feel liberated quickly turned into me feeling like my only value I provide is sexual which made me shut down. I do like making artistic content like my MarieMur and some lingerie videos and photosets even. I have definitely pushed my limits a bit or made myself do ASMR when I didn’t want to and that makes me feel like I’m not being authentic. Not that I don’t like ASMR, I do. Ultimately, I like being able to connect with people and ASMR is a way to give some pieces of love and comfort which brings us here… I do want to be able to go back to making content and tell myself that it’s all consensual here and we realize that this isn’t “real” but it’s entertainment and just have boundaries on what I let people say to me. If you like my content, you can buy it and that’s how I know you enjoy it. I love talking to you, but about real life stuff. I want to be a source of love and light in your life and help you along your path to find your happiness within yourself. I am having a hard time seeing how what I do now aligns with that. But, what I do allows me to be in a financial position to easily take care of my 4 🧒🏻 as a single mom and has changed my life in the matrix in a way that I’ve always wanted. I just feel so weird about it all now and looking for reassurance that I am not somehow a bad person that is doing bad things here or holding you back in someway by playing on your sexual desires for my own financial gain. You mean a lot to me. I don’t want to do you or anyone like that so I really appreciate your honesty and thanks for reading! 💗💗💗
If you want a little tarot reading, give me permission in the comments of this post. You can ask for general guidance or a message from your guides or make it a specific question. It’s easier if you can make it all one comment, but if you want to make it private then just comment that you’ll send the question to me privately. It makes it easier for me to click on your username and find the DM. Love youuuu! ❤️❤️❤️
I am sharing this on social media (swipe for the download haha). But, I am thinking I may start sharing my dreams and downloads here if yall are interested and then we can pick the ones to share with the public? I don’t want to waste my energy or get into fights about these messages 😂 which is why I have been keeping them to myself. But, I know this is my safe space and I adore all of you. So, let me know if you want to know of these things. I feel so much connection to you all and want to help you become your best self. You are all true kings and I want you to step into your light and POWER!