marawatson posts

Raise your hand if you didn’t receive a video PPV message ye..

Raise your hand if you didn’t receive a video PPV message yesterday.. my OF seems to be acting up 🤔

2021-11-15 16:25:05 +0000 UTC View Post

The past year has been really hard on me.. As some or most o..

The past year has been really hard on me.. As some or most of you know, I have bipolar disorder- and sometimes it's really truly debilitating, crippling. I've been very hard on myself for my inconsistency, but some days I really just haven't been able to get out of bed. It's been a year of loss for me, and I guess I hadn't really realized how hard that had hit me until recently. And I've apologized for my inconsistency but haven't been open with you about what's actually been going on with me.

Around christmas last year, I lost a woman that had been a maternal figure to me for years in a time where I badly needed her- to lung cancer.
A few months later, my brother and i had a physically violent falling out and we stopped speaking.. we have always been very very close until that point.
Then I got a consistent job and things were looking up (even though it was kinda corporate and soul-sucking, if I'm being honest).. until a few months ago when i lost my job and my best friend ghosted me, in the same week. You'll notice i no longer talk about Vi*en or Selina.

I haven't been consistent and absolutely don't deserve those of you that have stuck around, but you've allowed me to stay afloat in a time where i otherwise would've completely drowned. I'm still trying to get up and be okay, but time heals all wounds i suppose, and I can't stay down forever... so I want to make 2022 better. 2021 was absolute fucking shit for me.

Idk. Anyways, I'm not sure what is next but I know I'll be streaming on twitch and trying to create structure for myself, so that I can become a more consistent performer. I have no way to repay any of you for your year of support at the moment, but I hope that someday soon I'll be in a position where I can. From the absolute bottom of my heart, thank you for your love, support, and understanding.

<3

2021-12-10 21:58:17 +0000 UTC View Post

Hi. So, I've been focusing on myself and my art instead of d..

Hi.
So, I've been focusing on myself and my art instead of dwelling on stupid shit like i have been for months now. It's been hard not to feel guilty about going completely social media dark.. but I think it's been necessary for me. And maybe that's selfish, but I can't sacrifice my mental health for the sake of the internet's perception of me as a creator. I'm sorry it's been such a long period of radio silence.
The important thing to me is that, at least for now, I can feel my creative spark coming back.. It's been gone for a while. I have a million projects going on at the moment but I'm hoping to draw my focus back to you guys.. thanks again for sticking around.
Separate note, let's keep in mind that whatever comes next isn't going to be like the content I've previously posted on here. That feels like a style I've outgrown at the moment, and trying to recreate it has given me more anxiety than I've expressed. So I'm letting that go and I ask you guys to do the same. I used to thrive off of feedback but I think for a bit I just need to make my art my own way, at least until I can ease back into everything.
Oh also just a little closing note here, if you go to my little link website lenalinks.com and sign up as a member (it's free), you'll join my mailing list and will receive any of the email blasts I put out when I have announcements. Not really sure what I'd need to announce yet, but i think it's good for communication purposes. Like I said I'm working on a lot of different projects, so ya never know.
Ok anyway, I hope you're all happy and safe and having a wonderful day.. that's all for now <3

2022-01-10 23:30:51 +0000 UTC View Post

is this what a quarter life crisis feels like

2022-01-27 21:56:31 +0000 UTC View Post

I’ve been going to a dermatologist tbh and I’m starting to f..

I’ve been going to a dermatologist tbh and I’m starting to feel pretty good about my skin for the first time in a while 😌

2022-02-07 01:09:26 +0000 UTC View Post

Ok I definitely spaced on that last post 😅 gosh, how unlike ..

Ok I definitely spaced on that last post 😅 gosh, how unlike me….. 🙄

2022-02-25 03:37:42 +0000 UTC View Post

Also, to put the heavier shit aside for a moment- i feel it’..

Also, to put the heavier shit aside for a moment- i feel it’s time for a life update.

I’ve been doing much much better than I thought possible. My physical health has been deteriorating but, ya know… shit happens and I’m stubborn.
I went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with POTS- postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Which basically means my heart has trouble properly supplying my body with b l o o d. For me, it means I have days where I can barely get out of bed because when I get up I get dizzy and weak and have trouble breathing. Idk I always thought I was just weak and should be able to do the things everybody else can… I thought I was just lazy and often beat myself up about it or chalked it up to depression. So I guess in a way it’s nice to know that there really is something physically wrong, that it’s not just… me.

Sounds discouraging, I know. But the silver lining is that now that I FINALLY know what’s been wrong with me, I can put measures in place to make myself feel a little better- and we’re trying to find what’s causing it, so I’ll keep you updated if we figure it out. Maybe it’s fixable 🥰

Ok bad news over. GOOD NEWS GUYS… I’ve enrolled in classes for the spring / summer. Im taking primarily business-related classes, to help me with the craft business I just started. I’m actually learning how to use design software (AutoCAD) to create more legitimate / high quality products. I think I’m really onto something here, but what I’m making isn’t out or available yet, so I can’t share much about the specific product. I’m not getting a full degree, because I firmly believe that it’s fucking ridiculous to pay tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for a piece of paper that an employer wants to see to consider hiring me- I don’t intend on being an employee. But I’m definitely in this for the knowledge, which I think is what education should be at its core- and I value that very highly.

Thanks for sticking around always. Posts will continue to improve in frequency and quality now that I’ve gotten into somewhat of a routine 🥰 new content will be released (at least) weekly.
❤️

2022-03-01 21:30:49 +0000 UTC View Post

Going through messages at some point over the weekend ! I kn..

Going through messages at some point over the weekend ! I know I’ve been a little unavailable lately.. sorry guys. Kinda going through a bad breakup rn, downside is I’m kinda sad - but the good news is, it’s great for my creativity 🥲

2022-03-26 10:39:59 +0000 UTC View Post

Took tons of new photos for you guys yesterday <3 Posting la..

Took tons of new photos for you guys yesterday
<3
Posting later today !

2022-04-01 19:46:59 +0000 UTC View Post

Who do you want to see me shoot with? Girls only!

2022-04-01 19:47:36 +0000 UTC View Post

Also, I’m starting class in 10 days if anybody feels like do..

Also, I’m starting class in 10 days if anybody feels like donating to the college fund 🥰 (aaand I also forgot to post these 2 in the last set)

2022-04-02 17:26:04 +0000 UTC View Post

Just got some new outfits to play with, more coming soon but..

Just got some new outfits to play with, more coming soon but this one was my favorite 🥰

2022-08-22 10:46:24 +0000 UTC View Post

P.s. I have 90 unread messages as of now pls be patient with..

P.s. I have 90 unread messages as of now pls be patient with me as I go through them for the next few days 😵‍💫

But I’m excited to catch up w some of you guys, it’s been a minute 💛

P.p.s. if I don’t respond in the next few days, send me another message - you probably got lost in my inbox :c

2022-08-22 10:49:12 +0000 UTC View Post

Hey guys ! Going live at 9pm PST tonight ( 5 hours from now ..

Hey guys ! Going live at 9pm PST tonight ( 5 hours from now )

Not doing a show or anything this time, just wanna hang out and catch up. Let's listen to some uncopyrighted music (🤢) and play Sims 4 😎

2022-08-22 22:47:02 +0000 UTC View Post

new(ish) swimsuit 💖 Should I do a ✨ spicy ✨ lil live tonig..

new(ish) swimsuit 💖

Should I do a ✨ spicy ✨ lil live tonight? I have an excessive amount of new lingerie to show off

2022-09-02 01:41:13 +0000 UTC View Post

2022-09-25 03:01:35 +0000 UTC View Post

PC update: Put everything together only to find out the moth..

PC update: Put everything together only to find out the motherboard was faulty.. put it back together a second time and still something isn’t working 🙃 soooo I’m going to maybe take it in to a PC repair place because what the fuck.

Ok that’s all ☺️

2022-11-03 12:16:13 +0000 UTC View Post

2022-11-08 03:52:12 +0000 UTC View Post

Might have underestimated how long it would take to upload 1..

Might have underestimated how long it would take to upload 10 minutes of 4k film on disgustingly underperforming wifi.. 🙃

2022-11-10 12:34:01 +0000 UTC View Post

Ok, PPV was sent (finally)

2022-11-10 21:35:21 +0000 UTC View Post

Apparently I have been completely misinformed as to what “fr..

Apparently I have been completely misinformed as to what “free use” kink is 👀
Noted. For those of you that don’t know- go look it up !!

Is this something you guys want to see me do?

2022-11-13 00:23:18 +0000 UTC View Post

Video goes up in two hours!

2022-12-05 00:12:01 +0000 UTC View Post

2022-12-21 19:07:08 +0000 UTC View Post

marawatson