Happy Easter! I’ll get a little personal in this post today...

Happy Easter! I’ll get a little personal in this post today. I suppose all my posts are “personal” whether it’s about my body or my stories of experiences and adventures since bodybuilding and muscles made me gay, coming out in 2018.

My mother died Easter Sunday when I was an actor right out of school living in LA. I was doing a play with Megan Mullally, who was at the pinnacle of her career on the show “Will & Grace.” Ironically a tv show that revolutionized gay rights. (Side note: I brought Megan to my university where I was a professor to perform & do a master class years later. I haven’t seen her since I brought her to Colorado. I was just gaining muscle and was still straight when I last saw her. I’m trying to move to LA now and can’t wait to run into her for the surprises lol)

It was closing night that weekend and I get a call from my sister that mom is in the hospital and she doesn’t have long to live. I was angry. Where did this come from. I thought she was getting better. The truth is I was so involved in my selfish acting career that I hadn’t check in for a while. I remember there being a voice mail from my mom that I hadn’t called her back on.

I call the director. I had to get home. But I had no
understudy so if I didn’t do the show to fly back home to Colorado then the show would be canceled. There were people flying from all over the world that final weekend to see Megan live in person.

I talked to my mom on the phone. She was alert enough to speak but in severe pain from her cancer. I could hear she was dying. She said do the play. I’ll see you tomorrow.

I got a flight at 6am the next morning. As I was boarding I called my sister to let her know I was getting on the plane. Mom just died.

I broke down crying. How…how could this happen. How could I not be there. Why the fuck did I do the play and just leave yesterday. How did I not know she was dying. How? How? How?

I cried the entire flight. My first girlfriend who I was still friends with picked me up from the airport and drove me the hour to the town where my mother lived and I was born. They kept my mother on her hospital bed & room with my sisters since she died 4 hours previously waiting for me to arrive (incidentally this is the detail that makes me cry right now as I’m telling you this story). I’m actually thinking now for the first time that was either a blessing or a curse for my sisters to be in the room with our dead mother for 4+ hours waiting for me to arrive.

We buried our mother in her home state in New Mexico. I returned to LA broken. The most import a person in my life is gone. I lost all courage to act. My confidence was gone. I couldn’t do it anymore. A friend back in Denver knew of a teaching position. So I applied over the phone. They were so desperate I got the job. And so began a new life as an educator. That I was really good at. Led me to being a professor. Which ostensibly got me into hiring a trainer to deal with the stress of the job. Which led me to bodybuilding. Which led me to gaining a ton of muscle. Which led to me getting attention from men across the world. Which led me to question my sexuality. Which led me to being gay.

Which leads me to today.

Easter is about rebirth. And I find myself undergoing a rebirth not only with discovering I’m gay six years ago and with my passion for muscle… but more recently the rebirth is commitment and passion to creating content for this site and beyond.

It’s been quite the journey that’s ongoing and changing every day with ups, downs, excitements & challenges

Thank you for going on this journey with me. I’m excited to show you what’s ahead.

Happy Easter. Love you all ❤️