This weekend, I went to Wrocław to visit my friends. To be h..

This weekend, I went to Wrocław to visit my friends. To be honest, I hesitated until the very last moment about whether I should go.

Depression, a sense of emptiness, and feeling like nothing matters – in moments like that, all you want is to hide from the world, not dive into new experiences. But the trip had been planned for a long time, and I knew that maybe a change of scenery could help distract me.

They are successful, happy, and own a business – sometimes their life feels like a picture-perfect postcard from Instagram. And all weekend, instead of simply enjoying the moment, I kept thinking to myself: “Why am I not like that? Why isn’t my life like theirs?”

The comparisons hit me like a hammer.

She has high-end cosmetics and skincare products I can only dream of affording right now. They have a cozy, stylish apartment, travel to places I only read about, drive a nice car, and generally don’t seem to deny themselves anything.
Yes, they have their challenges too, but they live on a completely different level.

And me?

I immediately started thinking that I don’t work hard enough, that I don’t earn enough, that I haven’t achieved anything meaningful. It felt like I was just a failure…

But on the train ride home, I started to realize that all these thoughts weren’t about them – they were about me.
They were like a mirror, reflecting both my dreams and my fears. Because, deep down, I want a beautiful life too. I want to feel confident and fulfilled by my work. I’m just not there yet.

This weekend didn’t just show me how easily I can spiral into self-criticism; it also reminded me of the direction I want to move in. Everyone has their own path. They’re not my standard to live up to, but they can be my inspiration. And maybe I’m not as far from my version of happiness as I thought.

This trip gave me a chance to look inward and understand what I really want.

But for now, I’m still searching for a therapist and will start with the basics – I’m going to start taking the medication. I know I’m not able to manage without it just yet.