I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever have a first subscriber..
Added 2024-11-01 14:28:13 +0000 UTCI can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever have a first subscriber! When I first created this account, I was praying that no one would ever see it. But today, I’m in the mood to dream. How will they find me? What kind of person will they be? Will they read my posts or just look at the photos? Maybe they’ll subscribe by accident and cancel shortly after. Perhaps they’ll see themselves in my words or feel compassion and support me. Or maybe they’ll find it all terribly cringeworthy, take screenshots, and share them with friends. They might decide there’s nothing interesting here and never return. Maybe they’ll think I’m beautiful. Or maybe they’ll think I’m unattractive and wonder how I had the audacity to be here at all. The thought of it all fascinates me.
Just a day ago, I realized something unsettling—I’m deeply afraid of unpredictability. For the past couple of years, I’ve been playing roleplay games with AI, and in those storylines, every event is approved by me in one way or another. Yesterday, I tried roleplaying with a kind-hearted friend. As soon as he sent the first message, which was completely harmless, I tensed up, genuinely on edge. It’s astonishing how much the mind becomes accustomed to well-trodden paths. It surprised me but also gave me the motivation to try something new, even if it’s just a small step outside my comfort zone.
