I’ve long noticed that I attract very peculiar people. Eccen..
Added 2024-11-03 19:28:56 +0000 UTCI’ve long noticed that I attract very peculiar people. Eccentrics, at the very least. Lonely, odd, awkward, with troubled speech and narrow ranges of interests, but emotionally warm. I make a mistake—or perhaps not—by somehow identifying these people in universities, in chats, stumbling upon them by pure chance. And I always have the imprudence to show interest and acceptance toward them, and if there’s a discomforting situation, I rush to defend them. For instance, if we’re working in a group and something needs to be presented, I volunteer to do it, even if I’m terrified myself. But I believe those with me are even more scared. I become for them the person I so desperately needed in my own childhood. These moments give me strength.
But then these people start seeking contact with me. They want to call, meet up. They don’t realize that they don’t interest me as individuals—I just wanted the world to be kind to them through me at that moment. I wanted to bring joy and feed my own ego. But they get attached. I try to come up with excuses to avoid more interaction, but they keep reaching out. And I respond. I don’t want to engage further, but I strive to ensure that when they leave, they feel cherished, warmed. I feel sorry for both them and myself. It’s as if I’m hoping that this kind of kindness will somehow find its way back to me through them. But I know that’s not how it works.
