I’m so glad to be heading home to lie in my own bed and look..
Added 2024-11-06 19:59:19 +0000 UTCI’m so glad to be heading home to lie in my own bed and look at the linden tree outside my window. The doctor told me that people don’t truly want to die, and that I only feel this way because I’m very ill. But I don’t understand—how can someone wake up, feel the weight of their body, hear their thoughts, have responsibilities, and not wish to disappear? I’m not necessarily talking about bad experiences. There have been many wonderful and vivid moments in my life, but whenever I came back home, I would always think—this was great, but it took so much out of me that I don’t want to do it again. Things go fine, sometimes worse, sometimes better, but it would be perfect if none of it existed at all. Life is a slow decay, and it’s unbearably hard for me to forget that, which is why I don’t understand the purpose of it, as cliché as it sounds. Time exists only so that everything doesn’t happen all at once. And it feels strange to wait so long just for it to end. The doctor says it’s the illness speaking for me. I don’t understand how that could be, because I’ve had these thoughts my whole life.
