So I traced this irrational pattern of avoiding and realized..
Added 2024-11-12 10:43:50 +0000 UTCSo I traced this irrational pattern of avoiding and realized that my already low self-esteem seems to have taken a sharp, pathological nosedive for some reason (maybe due to medication). And, well, there’s actually a good chance that someone were genuinely interested in talking to me, though it’s hard for me to accept that. But either way, everything that happened yesterday was completely irrational and unreasonable. And it honestly bothers me because all my life I’ve been very tough and had a clear understanding of my emotions, the rational aspects, the objective and subjective sides of things. But in recent months, due to illness, it feels like I’ve lost that skill and can’t understand what’s going on—almost like my own mind has become unreadable to me. And the worst part for me is that I always try to appear really cool to others, like this kind of superhuman persona, and suddenly I’ve become this cringey version of myself. It scares me because what I fear and dread most in life is being out of place and awkward.
