Not a pretty picture, I’ve had 2 trips to the ER this week f..

Not a pretty picture, I’ve had 2 trips to the ER this week for a whopping $1600 (minimum estimate excluding the ambulance costs) because my immune system decided to give me massive amounts of pain and prevent me from eating. The years of struggle have developed an immune condition that doctors struggle to diagnose which is rheumatoid in nature and attacks every gland in my body. From my uterus through my guts, pancreas, tear-glands and brain hypothalamus. I am extremely tired and feel like a rag dog having being poked and jammed full of morphine and radiation for tests. I’m not well, and haven’t been for years. 18 months ago I thought I was cured when they removed a tumor from my duodenum. But all the symptoms are back. The stress of homelessness for 6 months, working 6 day weeks, doing night shifts, and the last 4 months of bullying has taken its toll and I can only access the pool when I’m well enough because now I’m so sick I am in constant pain and my CPTSD has come back with a vengeance. I can’t deal with messaging, notifications even comments are triggering. I’m blocking all communication except through OnlyFans. Most of the comments I receive elsewhere are not healthy for me to look at having dealt with so much sexual harassment I am simply re-triggered when I receive any uninvited inuendo. I’m avoiding any triggers that release stress hormones in my body and cause these immune attacks that give me severe pain. I’ve been bullied in close context on a regular basis for a period over 5 months, and the stress-reaction has undone all the good work I have achieved in the last 18 months. This person didn’t even know they were a bully but everything hurt from their words from the first day and just became compounded. I’ve worked so hard to achieve stability for myself but medical bankruptcy is a genuine panic factor for me and I feel it’s coming. I’m not ranting today. I’m filling you in on why it’s been so difficult to pursue my own happiness as a victim of compounded trauma with ongoing nervous system reactions to familiar memories. The person that was bullying me, is unaware the things they say are ILLEGAL and I fall under a protected class due to my disabilities, and emotional health. It went on for so long because friends and colleagues were apologists for this kind of behavior and I was unaware that being hurt so deeply was a sacrifice to my health in order to look after their emotions and behavior. People like me, die because of apologists that protect the status quo and enable mean and insulting behavior. I want you to know that this is serious. Veterans of war are taken more seriously for their PTSD than abuse victims like myself. Veterans of war have known triggers they are able to protect themselves from, but survivors like me, in the hidden world of SA, we do not reveal what troubles us and when we speak up we risk further shame and bullying and even compounding diminishment and apologists to excuse the others behavior and words which is what happened to me. Be nice, you don’t know what troubles people or makes them strange.