ok bit of a bummer caption, but yall have historically appre..
Added 2024-02-12 01:00:03 +0000 UTCok bit of a bummer caption, but yall have historically appreciated my vulnerability. I wish i liked myself in real life as much as I like myself in pictures. I remember having an AWFUL body image day when I took these and now I don't ever understand what I could've been upset about. One of the many reasons I'm retiring is because I don't think it's possible for me to have a good (or even a bad but manageable) relationship with my body while its still my source of income in any capacity. I really look forward to repairing that relationship over time as I work on seeing my body as something thats not only "for me" but like...is me. Like my body is me. I do not view myself that way. I honestly have seen my body as an "income producing asset for my brand" for the last like decade and its like drinking poison. I am very detached from my body. I almost feel as if it is separate from my conscious self. Like the real "me" is my intellect and this manifestation of myself that I've crafted here on the internet and my body, here offline in the real world, is just like a work vehicle that gets me from place to place. I don't know if this is a consequence of the overuse of social media/internet in general or sex work in specific but I've got a lot of work to do to get rerooted in my body and feel like a single unified person again. That was probably too existential for an OF post and i dont know if what I'm saying is translating in a way that makes sense to anyone
