So this is what it is: I haven’t slept through the night in ..

So this is what it is: I haven’t slept through the night in over two weeks. Last night I woke up at 2:45 AM, ate some cheese because I was hungry (crap thing about waking too early) so I had to break my fast to go back to sleep.

Trazodone gives me nightmares
Hydroxyzine pamoate makes me sweat
Zzzquil and Delta 8 aren’t lasting
These meds will PUT me to sleep, but I cannot STAY asleep.

This affects everything. Absolutely everything. My ability to exist, keep up with house work which is daily with an offspring, 4 cats, and 6 foster cats in the basement. I’ve been too tired to workout, (which then makes me feel worse and guilty for not moving) My appetite has mostly been shit. (And then I have guilt for not eating right).

Are we friends offline? Notice my decline in messaging? It’s because I have no energy. I’m trying. I really am.

Making content? Lmao forget it. Wayyyy too tired to record anything new or even edit my terabytes worth of footage with my ex.

I’ve been finding recluse spiders again after dealing with an infestation last year, that I still have recurring nightmares about.

I haven’t been able to see Louisville Lover or BG guy because they’re so busy - and honestly I’m ready to burn all that down.

All the abortion shit in the news keeps triggering memories of my emergency miscarriage procedure.

And lasttlllyyyyyy, I’m getting ready to deep dive into a C-PTSD diagnosis with my doctor and therapist. I know in the long run it will be better - but I feel pretty overwhelmed today and lately.

So, if I seem distant, I’m so sorry. I really really am doing the best I can right now.

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That said, I’m on a long break. If I owe you a prize, it is your job to reach out. Period. Tip to message is going back on, and only those who make purchases/tip on a regular basis will have the ability to bypass.

I have a shit ton of content for sale here. If you want me to come back faster, consider making a purchase or tipping. I haven’t made new content because 3.1k people are just fucking freeloading.
I’m tired. I’m holding my boundaries.

Thanks.