I want to apologize to all of you. I’ve been avoiding upda..

I want to apologize to all of you. I’ve been avoiding updates having anything to do with Chrissy (my husband’s colleague) and Joann (our therapist/marriage counselor). The reason is this - things aren’t very good for me at home right now. And when that’s the case, I tend to escape to my fictional worlds (e.g. Conan and Jamarcus). Avoidance is one of my stronger qualities. But here’s my current situation. My husband literally hasn’t touched me since our weekend spent downtown with my alpha in October. Not even once. And while we still sleep in the same bed with one another, it sometimes seems like he’s a world away. The weird part is that I felt so connected to my husband after that weekend, and for a day or so afterward it felt like things were trending back toward normal. But that all ended with one text from Chrissy that read “It’s hysterical to me how easily she manipulates your thinking. You might truly be a lost cause at this point.” That text came on the following Friday after our weekend with my alpha, and she ignored every single one of the texts he sent in response on Saturday and Sunday. That’s the exact point in time that he became distant, claiming that he still just needs to “work through some things with Joann. But since then his texting with Chrissy has become incessant. It’s fairly clear now that he’s relying way more on her counsel than he is Joann’s. And at the same time that she’s ever so subtly driving a wedge between me and my husband, she’s also actively working to end her own failing marriage. She was even bold enough to invite my husband to an appointment with her new attorney (But that’s a whole other story altogether). At the end of the day, I’m still fairly certain that the two of them haven’t officially slept with one another. But even so, it’s the emotional aspect of it all that makes me cry myself to sleep almost every other night these days. I’m clearly losing the battle right now. Mostly, I believe, because I haven’t til recently figured out how to actively engage in it. For one brief moment, part of me actually thought I should respect my husband’s stated desires when he says that our lifestyle is wearing him down. But, as it turned out, that was the smaller part of me. The bigger part of me is simply not wiIIing to let go so easily of everything I’ve built. Plus, I’m also thoroughly convinced that he only feels that way because he’s fighting so unbelievably hard to deny his true nature. I’ve known this man since college for Christ’s sake. I understand him more completely than Chrissy and Joann combined. Probably even better than he understands himself. Which is why I’ve decided to turn the boat directly into the path of the oncoming torpedo and ordered the engine room to take the reactor to 110%. It’s a little naval warfare tactic I learned from Captain Marko Ramius. Appropriate, I believe, given the fact that the cunt I’m dealing with is almost as large as an aircraft carrier. Specifically, it’s time to crank the heat up when it comes to my hotwifing - Not dial it back. My husband needs to learn once and for all that he is who he is. And he needs to also come to grips with the fact that he can’t get what it is I give him anywhere else. So with all this in mind, I’ve decided to finally tell him everything about neighbor b0y. And I do mean everything, including how I’ve asked him to set up some “group fun” with a few of his strapping teammates. The prospect of getting to witness his wife in the midst of such depravity will drive him nuts with desire. I know it to my core. As risky as my little gambit is, Im absolutely confident I can pull it off. The real challenge, I’ve decided, is going to lie in getting the second torpedo to redirect itself back toward my u-boat-sized adversary.